Lightning Could Strike
by sparkles04
Summary: A high school Spashley with a little bit of role reversal.
1. Chapter 1

_**Just a little short story for you. 4-5 chapters at the most. This first chapter is short, but I promise the rest will be much longer. **_

_**A special thanks to Dev. I know that you know that you're awesome, just reminding you. (smiley face)**_

_**Also, as always, thanks to Steph.**_

_**Hope you enjoy the story.**_

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><p><strong>Chapter 1 (Flashbacks in<em> italics<em>)**

_She leaned up against the tree, one knee bent and pressed against it. Her eyes covered by dark shades. Her hair lying perfectly around her face and on her shoulders. A cigarette in between her fingers. I watched her from a distance. I watched as she lifted the cigarette to her lips. I watched her inhale like it was the last breath she would take. She was oblivious to her surroundings. I didn't like her. I didn't like that she was friends with my sister. I didn't like the way she walked around without a care in the world. I didn't like that she had spent a year in a juvenile detention center. I didn't like that she thought she could do whatever she wanted. I didn't like her. Most of all, I didn't like that I was so infatuated with her. _

The picture in my head was so fresh, so clear, like it had happened yesterday. I smiled to myself. She was so mysterious to me. She was cool, calm and confident. She was beautiful and fascinating and everything I wanted to be. I smiled to myself at the image of her against that tree. The girl up against the tree without a care in the world was the girl she was before I actually knew her. Before she changed my life. Before I fell madly in love with her.

"Hey, Ash, you almost ready?"

"Yeah, just can't find my earrings." I actually hadn't even looked for them. I got distracted with thoughts of seeing her again.

"You're nervous, aren't you?" she asked as I opened my jewelery box and sifted through the tangled mess of chains and rings. She walked up next to me and placed her hands on mine. I wasn't even aware they were shaking.

"It's going to be fine."

"I haven't seen her in ten years, Kyla."

"And she hasn't seen you either. I'm sure she is way more nervous than you. This is her first gallery show since she moved back."

I turned towards my little sister who looked amazing and not so much like my little sister anymore. "What do I say?" I asked her.

"Just say, hi, how are you?" she replied like it wasn't that big a deal. But it was. It was ten years since I had last seen Spencer Carlin. It was ten years since I had fallen in love, and it was the only time I had ever fallen in love. And, although I had many relationships throughout the years, I had never forgotten about her. She made an impact on my life, an impact which was still clear to this day. I was nervous, but I was also excited and scared. I wasn't sure how I would handle seeing her again. I was scared that one glance into those magical blue eyes would send me back in time–a time when one touch, one word, one smile was all it took to make me hers. I was scared to lose myself to someone like that again. I was scared of getting my heart broken again.

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><p><em>I was sitting at the kitchen table peeling potatoes when they walked in. My little sister was with some skinny blonde wearing black. <em>

"_Hey, Ash. This is Spencer," she said excitedly. _

_She was different than I expected. All of the pictures I had seen were of a brunette with round cheeks. I don't know why I expected to see that same girl. Those pictures were taken before she 'lost it', as my sister called it. I supposed that spending a year locked up changed a girl._

"_Hi," the blonde said, and I looked at her dumbfounded. "Can she not speak?" Spencer asked. That earned me a 'what the fuck?' look from my unamused sister._

"_Yes, she can. She's just rude."_

"_I'm sorry. You just don't look anything like the girl in the pictures," I finally said, feeling a little embarrassed when I realized I was staring at her._

"_Those pictures are old. We'll have to take some new ones ASAP," Kyla intervened. Thankfully. _

_The blonde looked at me with her eyes narrowed, like she was trying to figure out what I was thinking. She smirked, but it quickly turned into a smile and it was a good thing she couldn't tell what I was thinking. I was thinking she was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen in person. Warmth spread throughout my cheeks. I turned to hide my face._

"_So, you moved here to have a relationship with your sister, and now you're dating my brother? At least you've got one of those two right." Spencer leaned up against the counter and took a bite from a baby carrot._

_I was lost for words again. How was I supposed to respond to that? I didn't know, so I said nothing. I looked over at her and she raised her eyebrows at me. I wasn't about to give her the satisfaction of a response. She stood there, staring at me, and I probably would have found it a bit creepy if I didn't find it so sexy. This was definitely not a good thing._

"_Oh, great, more help." Kyla's mom walked into the kitchen at the perfect time. Spencer was about to say something further. I wasn't sure I wanted to hear it. Actually, I did. I didn't know what it was about her voice, but I found that sexy as well. Yeah, definitely not good either. _

"_The potatoes are done. I've got some homework to work on." I handed the bowl to Linda, and walked out of the kitchen. I caught Spencer's eyes on me as I looked back. What the hell just happened?_

_I lunged myself onto my bed and lay there for a moment. I could not get her eyes out of my head. Spencer. The now-blonde best friend of my little sister. The now-blonde best friend of my sister and the estranged sister of my wonderful, charming boyfriend. Her eyes were inviting, alluring and all sorts of things that didn't make any sense. _

_She was right about one thing: I had done the right thing when I moved in with Kyla and Linda. Then again, I didn't really have a choice. When my father died, my mother took off. I hadn't spoken to her in over a year. I didn't want to–nor could I–live alone in that giant, empty, quiet mansion in L.A. Kyla talked to her mom and they both accepted me into their small but rather warm home. Brookridge was a beautiful small town twenty miles north of Atlanta. I loved living with the two of them. It was the first time I felt like I had a family since I was a small child. But part of me longed for the city life. Part of me longed for the life I had in L.A. I missed the excitement, the adventure and the craziness. _

_Dinner was awkward, and it was the probably the first time I had ever been happy to hear Kyla go on and on about cheerleading practice. As soon as I could, I walked outside into the fresh, fall air to call Glen._

_I pulled my phone from my pocket and sat down on the back porch step. _

"_Can I ask you a question, Ashley?" _

_I held my hand to my chest, startled. "You scared me half to death," I said to Spencer. _

"_Sorry." She was lying on the hood of the non-running car which had been sitting in the driveway for years. She was looking up at the sky and didn't turn my way. "So, you seem like a decent human being. What are you doing with my brother?" She still didn't look my way as she took a drag from her cigarette._

"_Smoking is bad for you, in case you haven't heard," I responded, changing the subject. I didn't really care that she was smoking: I just didn't know what to say. She had a knack for leaving me speechless. She was definitely one of those people who said what was on their mind. I liked that. I wished I could be one of those people. _

"_Most good things in life are."_

"_And you think smoking is one of the good things in life?"_

"_It helps me keep calm and relaxed."_

"_So does yoga."_

"_Is that what you do?" she asked, finally looking my way and sliding off of the hood. She stood there against the car, waiting for an answer. I didn't miss her eyes as they gave me a not-so-subtle once over._

"_No, I run."_

"_Well, that sounds boring," she said as she lifted her foot and put her cigarette out against the heel of her shoe. _

"_Boring and healthy. Exercise is what calms me," I replied._

"_I know of some other ways to exercise which aren't boring and are actually quite healthy," she said as she walked towards me._

"_Then why don't you do those things instead?"_

_She was about a foot away from me and she smelled of perfume and cigarette smoke. The perfume hid the smoke just enough to not make her smell like an ashtray. I didn't know why, but she made me nervous. Especially being so close to me. _

"_It's kind of a two-person thing, or three, or four. It all depends."_

"_Anything has to be better than smoking," I replied and she smiled. And I had never seen a more beautiful smile. _

_I stood there, not moving an inch, barely breathing, when she leaned in and whispered in my ear, "Trust me. Sex with me is definitely better than smoking, and running." _

_I went from barely breathing to not breathing. I was surprised I didn't pass out. My mouth gaped open. She giggled at my expression, popped a piece of gum into her mouth, and winked before she walked up the steps and into the house._

_She was definitely not what I expected_.

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><p><strong>Chapter 2 will hopefully be posted early next week.<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed. I do appreciate it. As for the certain fanfic reader who likes to leave negative comments (You know who you are) ... I think it's about time that you got an actual account so that the authors can respond to your comments. It's only fair :) Anyway, this chapter is a bit longer than the first. Hope you all enjoy. **

**Thank you, Dev! **

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><p><strong>Chapter 2 (flashbacks in italics) <strong>

"Are you ready?" Kyla asked as we stood in front of the doors to Spencer's art studio. "You're not going to pass out or anything, right?" She started fanning me with her invitation card.

"I don't know. I'm really nervous." My stomach was a mess.

"Well, you look amazing. And by amazing, I mean hot. Scorching, even."

"Thanks, Sis."

I had to look amazing, hot and scorching, even. I had to look my best when Spencer finally saw me after ten years. I'm not sure what I was expecting. But I knew to expect nothing when it came to her. She was always the person who did the opposite of what you thought they would. I had always thought that she did it on purpose, but the truth was that she was just a spontaneous person. I wondered if she was still the same, if—or how—she had changed over the years.

We walked in, and my heart immediately started beating faster. I told myself to calm the fuck down, but it wasn't working. Thankfully, the place was crowded. Kyla and I walked around looking at the various different forms of artwork. Most of the works were paintings. I was in awe of the beauty in them, but I wasn't surprised. Spencer had always been an incredible artist. What did surprise me, as I rounded a back corner, was my own eyes staring back at me. The painting was in five sections, and took up most of the wall. All five sections were paintings of me. The center panel was just my eyes and I was struck by how well she had captured them. The top two paintings were of me posing, one standing up and one sitting with my back against a wall. The lower two were more personal. I wondered when she had painted them.

"Shakespeare said the eyes are the window to the soul. Do you believe that?"

I knew that voice. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "I do," I squeaked out.

"I'm nervous, too," she whispered from behind me and I all but passed out. I knew I had to turn around. I couldn't just stand there staring at myself all night. Very slowly, I turned and came face to face with the only person I had ever given my heart to. And the moment I looked into her eyes, I knew she still had it.

"Hi," I said. I was surprised it was actually loud enough for her to hear.

"Hello, Ashley."

I had missed the sound of her voice, especially as she said my name. After all these years, it still had the same effect on me. I had to keep it together. Where the hell was Kyla?

"You look… " She shook her head as if she couldn't find the words.

"You, too," I replied.

And she did. She was wearing a black dress which covered one shoulder and left the other completely bare. It ended just above her knees and showed off her long and lean tanned legs. Her hair was up in a side-bun and a single strand hung down over the left side of her face. There really weren't any words to describe how she looked, except for maybe classy. And very grown up. Definitely not the girl I had known all those years ago. At least, she didn't look like her.

"Thank you for coming. I wasn't sure you would."

"Well, I almost didn't. You know Kyla, though; she always gets what she wants."

"For once, I'm glad for that."

She smiled and I knew I was staring, but I couldn't help it. I looked down, embarrassed, and she chuckled. It sounded so familiar. That hadn't changed over the years.

"Let me get you some wine. I'll be right back."

"Thanks," I said, lifting my head. I was sure my cheeks must have been a dark shade of red. She was very sweet about it, though. In that way, she had changed: the girl I knew as a kid would have called me on it.

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><p><em>It was a week since Spencer had come home, and she had spent nearly every night at our house. I'd like to have said that I was upset about that. I wasn't. She intrigued me. She fascinated me. There was something about the way she laughed, the way she told a story, the way she looked at me. She was so confident and I was very attracted to that. There were moments when she was too confident, though; those times, I just shook my head at her.<em>

_She was lying on Kyla's bed reading a magazine while Kyla got ready for a date. It was obvious she was staying the night again, considering she was wearing only a pair of pajama shorts and a white tank top. I found myself staring at her from my own bed while pretending to study. _

"_Okay, guys. I'm outta here. We're only going out for ice-cream so I shouldn't be out too late. Wait up for me."_

_We both said goodbye and, when Kyla finally left the room, I looked back over at Spencer. She was still reading the magazine, then her eyes shifted upwards and suddenly she was staring right back at me. I can't explain the look in her eyes, but my heart leaped in my chest and I quickly looked down at my book and pretended to study again._

"_Ashley?" She said after a few minutes of silence._

"_Yeah," I replied without looking up. _

"_Is it true you had a girlfriend back in L.A.?"_

"_Maybe." How the hell did she know that? Kyla!_

"_You were with her for over a year, right?"_

"_What does it matter? Does it bother you?"_

_She laughed and slid off the bed. Before I knew what was happening, she was sitting on my bed. _

"_Relax, it doesn't bother me. It just makes you all that more attractive to me," she said, placing her hand over mine. I didn't like the way it made me feel, yet, at the same time, I did. She was too close, her hand so warm and soft, her eyes boring into mine. My heart was beating so fast, I could feel it through my entire body. I had to stop whatever it was that was going on. I sat up and pulled my hand out from under hers._

"_I have a boyfriend."_

"_I know you do. I don't understand why, though."_

"_I'm bisexual, Spencer. It's not that hard to understand."_

"_I didn't mean that. I don't understand why you're with him."_

"_You don't even know me. How could you understand anything?"_

"_I wanna know you. And I know you want to get to know me."_

"_And what makes you so sure of that?"_

"_The fact that you've been staring at me for over an hour. The fact that you're always staring. I'm not blind, Ashley."_

"_I'm sorry." I was so embarrassed. I looked away._

"_Don't apologize. It doesn't bother me," she said as she lifted her hand to my chin and pulled me back so I was facing her. "I'm not exactly innocent here. I know you catch me staring at you, too."_

_I tore my eyes away from hers and looked down at my book. I just could not look at her right now. I couldn't let her see how nervous I was. _

"_Does my staring bother you?" she asked._

"_No," I quickly replied. I was surprised at my honesty_.

"_Good, because I'm not sorry. You're gorgeous, Ashley. And your eyes—they're probably the most seductive thing I've ever seen. Th__ere's so_ _much expression in them." Her hand found my cheek and, even if I could have, I probably wouldn't have moved. I had no choice but to look at her. "And your lips," She had me in a trance. I looked into those blue eyes and I got lost in them. Her fingers traced my lips, and I stood there motionless. "I could stare at you all day and never get tired of it."_

_I didn't know what to say or do. I was so nervous. No-one had ever made me feel like she was at that moment. No-one had ever said things like that to me. _

"_It's okay, Ashley. You don't have to say anything." She dropped her hand an__d stood up. "I'm gonna go get something to drink. You want anything?" I just shook my head. I was still in that moment when her warm fingers were touching my lips._

_She left the room, left me there on the bed wondering what the fuck had just happened. The way she talked to me, the way she touched me, and the way she left me speechless and in a trance; it was all exhilarating and completely terrifying all at once. I had no idea what to do about any of that. I lay down facing the wall and pretended to be asleep when she came back upstairs. _

_The next day, after she had finally left, I talked to Kyla._

"_Why is she always here? Why doesn't she stay at her own house?" I didn't mind that she was always there. What I minded was that I liked her being there. A little too much._

"_Because she doesn't get along with her dad or Glen. She doesn't feel comfortable in her own house."_

"_Well I'm not sure if I feel all that comfortable with her being in our house so much." Lie._

"_What happened?"_

"_Nothing. I just, I don't know. She makes me uncomfortable." Lie, again._

"_What happened, Ashley?"_

"_Well, someone told her I liked girls, so now she thinks I like her."_

"_Oh come on, I told her over a year ago. And she just likes to flirt. I'll talk to her if it bothers you so much."_

"_Why was she in that juvenile center?"_

"_It's not my business to say."_

"_But it's your business to tell her I had a girlfriend back in Cali."_

"_I only told her because she was going through a lot after she figured out she was gay. It was no big deal, Ash."_

_It wasn't that big a deal. I didn't care if people knew. I didn't know what my problem was. Another lie. Spencer didn't make me uncomfortable. It made me uncomfortable that she should have. I was attracted to her and that was the problem. Especially considering I was with her brother._

_I wish I could have avoided her. Impossible. We had two classes together and she was always at the house. I had to find a way to stay away from her and keep her away from me. I had to make her see that I wasn't interested. I had to make her not interested in me. I had to push her away. I didn't want to, but I didn't know what else to do._

_After a week I had become used to her cigarette-and-perfume smell which would fill my nose every morning in our first hour. I had the first seat in our row and every morning she would pass my desk. I kept my head down and faked reading. I was doing well at the whole avoiding her thing. And it seemed to be working. When she was at the house, I left, or I stayed in another room. When she stayed the night, I didn't go into the bedroom until I knew they were asleep. It had been a successful week. And I think she was beginning to get the hint. _

_It was lunch and I was sitting out in the quad with Glen and his friends. They were talking football, of course. They were always talking football. I had learned to tune them out and a good book always did the trick. I don't know why I looked up. But just as I did, Spencer was walking by. It was like one of those slow motion moments in a movie, her blue eyes melting into my brown and not letting go. She knew I couldn't look away and just before she walked past us she winked._

"_What the hell was that?" Glen asked as he lightly elbowed me. "Ashley?!" he yelled and I snapped out of the trance his gorgeous sister had, once again, managed to put me in._

"_I have no idea," I replied. "She's your sister." I raised my voice, trying to sound annoyed._

"_Is she still bothering you?" He turned towards me._

"_No. We haven't talked all week." I hadn't told Glen the details. I just told him that she was irritating. I didn't know why I couldn't tell him the truth. Maybe it was because I didn't want things to be worse between them. Maybe it was because I was afraid he would see right through me. _

"_Good. Keep it that way." He turned back towards the table._

"_Why was she in that juvenile center?"_

"_Why does it matter?" he sighed, t__urning back towards me again._

"_I'm just curious."_

"_Don't concern yourself with her. You're better off that way."_

"_How can I not concern myself with her? She's always with my sister and in my house."_

"_She's harmless, Ash. That's all you need to know. Your sister is good for her. As long as she stays away from her ex-girlfriend, Carmen, she should be fine."_

"_What happened with you two? Why don't you get along?" (And who was Carmen?)_

"_What's with the questions today__?" He was clearly getting irritated. I guess he wasn't happy with missing out on the latest football conversation._

"_You're my boyfriend and I love you. I want to know why you hate your sister and vice versa."_

"_We don't hate each other. Can you just drop it, please?" His hand found mine, and it didn't take me long to realize it didn't have the same affect as when his sister had done it. _

"_Yeah."_

"_Thank you." He leaned over and kissed my cheek. And I felt a little bad in that moment because I had no plans of dropping it. I had to know what happened. _

_Two hours later, I was sitting in the library during free period. The library was my favorite place to be on campus. Free of the daily high school ruckus, I could actually hear myself think. It was the perfect place to read without being bothered—not that day, it transpired._

"_You're avoiding me." She pulled up a chair next to me._

"_You noticed." I didn't look up from my book._

"_I notice a lot about you."_

"_Then you notice too much."_

"_What's your deal, Ashley?"_

"_I don't like you." I finally looked up at her. _

"_That's a lie," she replied as if she knew it was, in fact, a lie._

"_I don't like that you're always around. With my sister, at my house, right now."_

"_Am I making it too hard to avoid me?" She was so calm, and all I wanted was to yell._

"_I don't like that you flirt with me knowing that I'm with your brother." My raised voice elicited a 'shhhhh' from the library aide._

"_I don't like that you're with my brother. He doesn't deserve you." She was still so calm and it irked me._

"_I don't like that yo__u were in a juvenile center for a year and that everyone seems to want to forget that." And it bothered me that I had to whisper instead of scream at her. _

"_You just don't like that you don't know why I was in there." Her elbow was resting on table and she leaned her head on her hand. She was so right._

"_And I don't like that you spend so much time with my sister."_

"_Stop avoiding me and I can spend some time with you, too." A wide grin followed and for a moment I was caught up in it._

"_Do you even hear yourself right now?"__ As much as it bothered me that she was so calm during our conversation, it bothered me more that I found it so sexy. What was it about her that drove me fucking crazy?_

"_Do you?"_

"_You don't know me, Spencer."_

"_But I want to." And just like she had a week prior, she placed her hand over mine. _

"_You're unbelievable," I said as I pulled it away from hers._

"_Girls don't usually say that until after we've had sex." I rolled my eyes and shook my head. She pursed her lips and shrugged. "You like me and that's why you're avoiding me." _

_I hated that she was so right. "I don't know you, how could I possibly like you?"_

"_I don't know you, you don't know me. Let's change that. Wanna go get a burger?"_

"_A burger? No, I don't want to get a burger with you." Grrrr. This girl!_

"_Why not? I know the best burger place."_

"_Spencer, please. I don't want to be mean, but you've got to just stop." She had to stop before I caved in. _

"_What's the problem, Ashley? You're young, smart, beautiful, and funny, even when you're not trying to be. And you're free to do whatever you want. Why tie yourself down to some guy who does__n't even appreciate what he has? Look, I'm not saying that you should dump him and be with me instead, even though I love the thought of that."_

"_What is it that you're saying then?"_

"_Keep your heart open. Who knows? Lightning could strike!" She raised her eyebrows and winked before she stood up and walked out of the library. I knew I had heard that before, but I couldn't figure out where. It didn't matter anyway. What mattered was that I knew she was half-right. As much as I thought of my relationship with Glen as a good one, he didn't fully appreciate who I was or what he had_._ Honestly, I was guilty of that too. As comfortable as I was with him, that's all I was. I loved him, but it wasn't the kind of love that everyone dreamed of having. There was no fire, no passion, no butterflies. But he was my boyfriend and I did care about him. Sure, I was young and I was free, but I chose to be with Glen and I didn't regret any of our time together. I didn't even think anything was wrong, or missing, until Spencer showed up. She had me questioning everything. She was making a mess of my very neat life and, as I sat there in the library with her words resonating in my head, I smiled to myself. Spencer had also brought something into my life that I had been longing for—excitement._

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><p>I was still standing there in front of the wall of me, when Kyla finally reappeared.<p>

"Wow! She made you look gooood."

"Where have you been?"

"Standing back and watching you two. Oh my gosh! You guys are so adorable."

"You're so mean. I was a nervous wreck."

"I know. That's why it was so cute."

I could have smacked her.

"Where'd she go?" Kyla's eyes darted around.

"To get me a glass of wine."

"She looked incredible, right?"

"Yeah, incredible." She looked so much more than incredible.

"I'm so happy," she clapped. "You guys are going to fall in love again and get married and have oodles of nieces and nephews for me."

She was crazy. I couldn't even imagine that life. But with the way Spencer looked—so grown up, so mature, so beautiful—anything was possible.

"Please stay," I begged, grabbing her hand as she tried to walk away.

"No, I don't wanna be in the way of your reunion. Have fun. Be yourself. It worked the first time around."

I decided it was time to leave 'my' corner. I couldn't keep everyone from seeing the paintings all night. And they were truly extraordinary. I wished I had the money to purchase them. I'm sure they would cost a pretty penny, but I couldn't find a price tag anywhere. I walked around the studio just taking in her work. I was fascinated with every one of her paintings. They showed passion, love and beauty, and all things that screamed Spencer.

"For you." Spencer handed me a glass of wine with that Spencer Carlin smile.

"Thank you," I said with a smile back. "Your paintings, they're so amazing. I see you in every one of them."

"You're probably the only one who can."

I couldn't look over at her. I couldn't look into her eyes. I took a sip of my wine and hoped she would say something else and change the subject.

"Spencer, I want to introduce you to someone." A girl came over and pulled at her arm.

"I'm sorry. Excuse me for a moment," she said and she sounded so sweet and sincere. I wasn't used to this Spencer, but I wasn't complaining. Like always, I was intrigued.

"No problem."

It wasn't a problem. I needed a moment to collect myself. I needed to find a bathroom and splash some water on my face. I needed to down this glass of wine and get another. I needed some air. And a cigarette maybe.

* * *

><p><em>I had just gotten off the phone with Glen. We had a screaming argument. He was leaving for the weekend with his friends. Again. They were going to some football game in Tuscaloosa. I hadn't had a free weekend with my boyfriend in over a month.<em>

"_You look like you need a cigarette," Spencer said. She was lying on the hood of the car again. I was about to walk back inside. I didn't feel like dealing with her. "Hey, look, if you need to talk..."_

"_I don't need to talk and, even if I did, I wouldn't talk to you." I was angry with Glen. I felt bad for snapping at her the moment the words came out of my mouth. "Sorry."_

"_I'm a good listener." She slid off of the car and took a puff of her cigarette._

"_Can I have one of those?" I asked looking at the cigarette hanging from her red lips._

"_A cigarette?"_

"_Yeah, a cigarette!" I snapped again. She ignored it again._

"_It's my last one."_

_I stuck my hand out and she shrugged, "Okay."_

_She handed me the cigarette. I slowly lifted it to my mouth. For a moment I pictured it as it hung from hers. I shivered with a small thrill of excitement as I wrapped my lips around it. It had a hint of mint flavor and I sucked the smoke into my mouth, holding it in momentarily before inhaling it into my lungs. _

"_Wow. So you've done that before," Spencer said standing beside me, a look of shock on her face._

"_Back in L.A."_

"_Seems as though you were a different girl back in L.A."_

"_L.A. is a different place. Everyone is someone else. I like the me that I am when I'm here."_

"_Yeah, you're not so bad. Although, I would have liked to have known her."_

"_You still don't know me."_

"_Then let me get to know you," she said, avoiding my personal space once again._

_I pursed my lips together before bringing the cigarette up to my lips once more. "What do you want to know?"_

"_I want to know everything about you." _

_I backed up against the railing of the porch and she put her arms on both sides of me. _

"_Can you be more specific?" I laughed, trying to hide the fact that I was trembling with excitement._

"_What do you like to do for fun, besides avoiding me, and reading?"_

"_How about I just show you?" I was feeling adventurous. She brought that out in me. She didn't say anything. She just smiled._

_The look on her face when we pulled into the parking lot of a club was priceless. I held in a laugh as I put the car in park._

"_Here? This is where you like to have fun?"_

"_Surprised?"_

"_Yeah, I am. I guess there's still some of that girl from L.A. inside there."_

"_I actually haven't been here since I first moved here. I brought Kyla along. She was a little nervous at first, but before we left she had made a few friends." I laughed as I pictured that night in my head. _

"_Kyla never mentioned you bringing her to a gay bar. She probably didn't want to give me any ideas." She waggled her eyebrows._

_We walked into the club easily. It was an underage club so there wasn't any fuss about who they let in. The place was packed and I grabbed Spencer's hand and pulled her to the back where there was an empty table. After ordering some non-alcoholic drinks, Spencer started with the questions again._

"_So you never answered my question_."

"_Which one?"_

"_Why are you with my brother?"_

"_Because I love him."_

"_You love him? Or you're in love with him?"_

"_Why does it matter?"_

"_It matters a lot!"_

"_I mean, to you. Why does it matter to you?"_

"_Why do you always avoid questions?"_

"_Why do you ask so many?"_

"_See," she shook her head, "you know what I think, Ashley?" She slid around the table so that she was elbow-to-elbow with me. Her head leaned in and I could smell her scent, that scent I could never get out of my head. "I think you love him, but it's more of a friendly love. I think you're with him because it's safe, 'cause you don't wanna fall in love and get hurt. You don't want anything to hold you back from getting out of this town and going after your dreams."_

"_You think you know me so well." I turned to face her. We were so close and she looked down at my lips._

"_I do. I know that you pretend that you like to be alone so that people won't feel sorry for you when it happens. And I know it happens a lot with Glen. I know you bite your bottom lip when you're thinking. I know that you twirl the hair behind your right ear when you're actually reading, so I also know when you are pretending to read. I know—"_

"_Okay, enough. I didn't come here to talk. I came here to dance." It scared me that she knew me so well. It pissed me off that she called me out on it._

_I walked to an empty spot on the dance floor and started swaying. I closed my eyes and just let myself move with the music. It wasn't long before I felt her close behind me. Her warm breath was on my neck, her body pressed up against mine. My breath hitched as she moved with me._

"_I'm right, aren't I?" she whispered, sending shivers all over my body. _

"_About what?"_

"_Everything?"_

_She was right, but I didn't want to think about it anymore. I didn't want to talk about it anymore._

"_Spencer, no more questions. Just dance."_

_We danced for some time, moving together so comfortably and in sync. Not talking, but saying so much with our bodies. She left to get us more drinks and I found some other girl to dance with. I couldn't take much more of being that close to Spencer without losing control. She danced and talked to other girls, too, but her eyes were always on me. We stayed until they kicked us out. _

_On the way home, I decided it was my turn to ask some questions. _

"_So, tell me something about you that not a lot of people know."_

"_I like to draw and paint."_

"_Really?"_

"_Surprised?" she mimicked me from earlier._

"_Actually, no. Are you any good?"_

"_I don't know. I guess. Maybe I'll show you sometime and you can be the judge."_

"_I'd like that very much."_

_We pulled up in front of her house. I was surprised when she asked me to take her there and not to our house._

"_So, are you gonna go back to avoiding me on Monday?"_

"_We'll see," I teased._

_She tilted her head to the side and gave me a puppy dog look. _

"_I'm kidding," I laughed. She looked so damn cute pouting._

"_Good. I'm not asking for much, but I will wait," she said as she opened the door and got out._

"_Wait for what?" I asked. She leaned down and rested her arms on the open window._

"_For you to realize you're with the wrong Carlin."_

_...to be continued.._

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><p><strong><em>I'd appreciate a review. Even from you! :)<em>**


	3. Chapter 3

_**Happy Valentine's Day! Consider this my gift to you. Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed. You don't know how much it is appreciated. **_

_**Much love to Dev and Steph. Thank you!**_

_**I will try to reply to some reviews this weekend. Have a good one!**_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter 3 (<strong>_**Flashbacks in **_**Italics**_**)**

I continued my way around the studio. I found Kyla talking to a guy who was wearing a three-piece suit and holding a tablet of some sort; I figured he was Spencer's agent or manager. She touched his arm and laughed. That was my little sister: she always knew how to get a guy's attention; and she always knew the right things to say and do. She reminded me of Spencer in that way. The woman of the hour was in amongst a group of four or five people, and she looked so happy. The Spencer I knew as a kid would have hated being in that situation. She didn't like being surrounded by people, or being the center of attention, but at that moment she was. How could she not? She lit the entire room up with her just her presence: her laughter was contagious; her smile was captivating; her body language was enough to drive any man or woman crazy without even trying. I could just stand back and watch her, and that's what I did. And I wasn't embarrassed in the least when she caught me. A playful smile formed on her face before she lifted her wine glass to her lips and took a sip.

"Excuse me for a moment," I heard her tell them. She squeezed through the group and I didn't miss he way a few of the men turned and watched her leave. She didn't notice, though. Her eyes were on me.

"I feel like I owe you an apology," she said.

"You don't. This is your big night. Don't worry about me."

"But I am worried. There are a lot of young men and women who could steal you away from me in this room tonight. I'm not ready for you to leave yet, not when we haven't even had a chance to really talk."

"Like I said, don't worry. I'm not going anywhere. I came here for you," I said and I realized how that must have sounded. "To support you and your work." Oh, who was I kidding? I came here for her; even before I looked into her eyes for the first time in ten years.

"And I do really appreciate that," she said so sincerely. "I've been a mess since I sent you the invitation, in the middle of being scared you wouldn't come, and being even more scared that you would." Her eyes left mine for the floor and it was the first time I had ever seen her so unsure of herself and her words. "You don't know how much I have missed you, Ashley. You were a big part of my life and an even bigger inspiration to all of this. To nearly every piece of art in this room."

I smiled and tried my hardest not to blush, but it was no use. She had done it again.

"I'm sorry," she said with a chuckle. "I'm just speaking the truth." She always did speak the truth.

_It was a chilly October morning and it started off horribly. I woke up late, tripped over Kyla__'__s boots and hit my head on the dresser, burned my toast, and realized I had forgotten my homework at home once I pulled into the school parking lot._

_It didn__'__t get any better._

_Spencer didn__'__t show up to first period and I was worried about her. When did I start worrying about her? I didn__'__t see her until lunchtime when she was cozied up to Emily Samuelson in corner table of the quad. I wasn__'__t even aware that Emily Samuelson was gay. I realized quickly that I was jealous. When did I get jealous about Spencer? I walked back into the school and sat in the library for my entire lunch period. After answering numerous texts from Glen, and lying to Glen, I laid my head down. _

"_Ashleeeey.__"_

"_What? What time is it?__"__ I asked lifting my head up off of the table. I looked at my phone and it read 12:23. I was missing my 4th period. Spencer was sitting next to me. Her eyes narrowed. _

"_What happened to your head?__"__ She brushed the hair off of my forehead where a small bump had formed. Just that simple touch sent my heart racing._

"_I fell,__"__ I said just above a whisper. For the first time I saw nothing but care and concern in her eyes. __"__I tripped over Kyla__'__s boots.__"_

_I started to gather my books needing to get the hell out of there. _

"_I thought you said you weren__'__t going to avoid me anymore?__"__ Her eyebrows were raised. _

"_I changed my mind.__"__ I didn__'__t want to be mean, but I was caught off-guard and I kept seeing her flirting with that girl at lunch._

"_Why?__"_

"_Why weren__'__t you in first period?__"__ And it really bothered me that she wasn__'__t in first period. I don__'__t know why. I guess I didn__'__t want to see her get into trouble. And I was upset that I didn__'__t get to see her. Ugh. _

"_I overslept. What__'__s wrong?__"_

"_What makes you think something is wrong?__"_

"_You__'__re mad at me.__"_

"_I__'__ve got to go. I__'__m late for class.__"_

"_Ashley.__"__ She grabbed my hand when I stood up. __"__Whatever it was, I__'__m sorry.__"_

"_Whatever what was? Why are you sorry?__"_

"_If I__'__ve upset you somehow, I__'__m sorry.__"__ Her eyes were so sincere, her hand still holding mine. _

"_You didn__'__t do anything. Now, please, let go. Some of us actually go to our classes.__"_

_I was such a bitch._

_She let go of my hand, a blank look on her face. I walked out of the library without looking back. I felt horrible that she was apologizing when she didn__'__t need to. She wasn__'__t my girlfriend. I had no right to be angry with her for hanging out with other girls, or whatever it was she was doing with Emily Samuelson. I was just jealous. I wanted to spend more time with Spencer, but I knew if I did, I would only get myself into trouble. So I decided to let her think I was mad at her because I was such a bitch, and an idiot._

_That week went by fast. I didn't speak to Spencer at all. She kept her distance. She didn__'__t stay at the house all week, which made me sad, but also relieved. It was hard enough keeping my eyes off her when we were in school: it was impossible when she was ten feet from me, wearing nothing but a pair of pajama shorts and a tank top. _

_Kyla__'__s mom was going out of town for the weekend and she gave us permission to have a small party. Of course, once the word spread, the party wasn__'__t so small. Our house was full of kids from school and even some kids that I knew definitely did not go to our school. I couldn__'__t enjoy myself. I was too worried about things getting stolen and wondering where the hell Glen was. I slipped into my bedroom and called him for the fifth time in twenty minutes._

"_Hey, Ash. Sorry I didn__'__t pick up. Spencer and I had a major blowout.__"_

"_Is everything okay?__"_

"_Yeah, but I__'__m not going to come over.__"_

"_What? Why?__"__ I needed to see him. I needed to spend some time with my boyfriend. I couldn__'__t get his sister out of my head and I needed him to distract me. If that were even possible._

"_She__'__s on her way over there and I just don__'__t want to be around her right now.__"_

"_We can hang out in my room.__"_

"_Nah, why don__'__t you just come over here?__"_

"_I can__'__t. I can__'__t leave my sister. And I don__'__t trust these kids.__"_

"_All right then, I__'__ll see you tomorrow maybe.__"_

_The line went dead. __"__Glen?__"__ He did not just hang up on me. __"__Glen?!__"_

_I threw my phone on the bed and screamed in frustration. I didn__'__t even want to have the stupid party. It was Kyla__'__s idea, but I was the one who had to go downstairs and talk to a bunch of people who I didn__'__t even like. And I had to somehow avoid a certain blonde I could not stop thinking about, and somehow not go off on the kid who kept belching the alphabet. I sat in my room and pouted for a little while longer. Okay, an hour longer. When I finally walked out of my room, I ran right into Spencer._

"_So much for avoiding me,__"__ she said, and I could see that she had a little too much to drink already._

"_What do you want?__"__ I was angry with her. No pretending needed._

"_You,__"__ she said, leaning up against the wall, __"__and the bathroom.__"_

"_You know where it is,__"__ I replied sternly. I started to walk away when she pulled me back and into the bathroom with her. I was barely inside when she slammed the door shut and pushed me up against it. Her arms were on each side of me, her face inches from mine. Her eyes were glassy and her breath smelled of vodka. _

"_What the hell are you doing?__"__ I was shocked, to say the least. But I would be lying if I said I didn__'__t like the feeling of her being so close to me. It was the closest she had been to me since the club, and I had missed the smell of her sweet perfume, and even the hint of smoke that was mixed in with it. It had hurt when I hit the door, but it knocked some sense into me. Or maybe having the sense knocked into me was what hurt. I wasn__'__t sure. The only thing I was sure of was that I wanted nothing more than to kiss her. I didn__'__t want to be mad or ignore her anymore._

"_Oops,__"__ she said as she pressed further into me. Her knee softly moved in between my legs and my body reacted the way she wanted it to. My mouth slightly parted. She smirked. __"__I think I meant to say you__…__ IN the bathroom.__"_

_Her hands left the door and slid down my arms and onto my hips. My breath hitched when she leaned in. __"__I know that you want me to kiss you,__"__ she whispered in my ear. __"__But I won__'__t. Not yet.__"__ Her lips grazed my ear and slowly moved up and down my neck. Her breath was so warm. I closed my eyes as my head leaned back into the door. __"__And, believe me, I really want to kiss you right now. Among many, many, many other things.__"_

"_Spencer?__"__ My hands cradled her face and pulled her away from my neck._

"_Ashley.__"__ Her lips were now merely a whisper from mine. _

"_You have to stop,__"__ I said. The last thing I wanted was for her to stop. _

"_Tell me you don__'__t want this. Tell me you don__'__t need me,__"__ she whispered. Her lips grazed over my chin and down my neck once more. _

_I don__'__t know why I just stood there and let her press against me. Or why my heart was beating so fast. Or why I was feeling a sudden ache between my legs. Or why, when I could have pushed her away with four words__—__I don__'__t want you__—__I couldn__'__t. I didn__'__t know why, but I couldn__'__t lie._

"_Tell me never to look at you again. Or talk to you again. Tell me to never touch you like this again.__"__ I closed my eyes when her fingertips traced the plains of my face. I leaned into her hand as her palm rested on my cheek. _

"_I can__'__t,__"__ I said, just above a whisper. I opened my eyes and, at that moment, with the way she was looking at me and the way just the simplest touch from her warmed my heart and set me on fire, I wanted to kiss her and keep kissing her until we ended up on the bathroom floor entangled in each other. And that__'__s probably what would have happened if the moment hadn__'__t been interrupted._

"_Are you in there, Ashley? Hey, let me in.__"_

_Spencer backed away and leaned up against the counter. I couldn__'__t move from the door. I was a mess and, if she didn__'__t stop looking at me like she was, we were both going to be in serious trouble. I took a deep breath, fixed my hair and opened the door. Kyla pushed her way in and looked at the both of us with raised eyebrows._

"_What__'__s going on in here?__"__ I didn__'__t miss the eyebrow wiggle she gave Spencer. Of course my sister would want something like me and Spencer to happen. She never did like Glen. Glen__…__ shit! The biggest wave of guilt washed over me. _

"_I gotta go,__"__ I said as I shook my head. I opened the door and walked down the stairs and out of the house. _

_It took me less than five minutes to get to his house. He opened the door with sleepy eyes and I didn__'__t give him a second to acknowledge my presence before I pushed him inside and kissed him with every ounce of my being. _

_Guilt is a powerful thing. I felt it when I kissed him. I felt guilty for kissing him. Like I was cheating on Spencer. And then I felt guilty for thinking of Spencer while I was kissing her brother. My head was a mess. I was so confused. _

"_I can__'__t do this. I__'__m sorry,__"__ I said after I pulled away from Glen._

"_What the hell is going on, Ashley?__"_

"_I__'__m sorry. I had too much to drink, I think.__"__ I hadn__'__t had even a sip._

"_Well, come on. Come lie down with me.__"__ He held out his hand and I slid mine into it. It was one of the things I loved about him: he was understanding. He knew when I didn__'__t want to talk about things. He knew when I just wanted him to hold me. And usually whatever was bothering me would just fade away. But not this time. As I lay there in his arms, I could not stop thinking about Spencer. Talk about being in a fucked-up position. I had no clue what I was going to do. I had a good thing with Glen, but something happened to me when I was with Spencer. Something inside of me came to life. There was one thing I did know: I couldn__'__t avoid her anymore. It didn__'__t work. The more time I spent away from her, the closer I wanted to be to her when she was around. _

_I stayed with Glen most of Sunday. We just hung out and did homework and watched television. Kyla called me a dozen or so times. On the thirteenth call, I finally picked up. I told her I would be home for dinner and, even though I know she wanted to, she didn__'__t press me about what had happened the night before._

_Luckily, by the time I came home for dinner, Spencer was gone. Before we went to sleep, I could tell Kyla was about to burst with all the questions she was holding in._

"_Just ask me, damn it.__"__ I couldn__'__t take her less-than subtle glances over at me. She was just waiting for me to bring it up. _

"_I just have one question. Do you have feelings for her?__"_

"_I don__'__t know. Now go to bed.__"_

"_Ugh. You__'__re such a brat sometimes.__"__ She threw her pillow across the room at me._

"_Just so you know. In this situation, 'I don__'__t know' totally means yes,__"__ she said._

"_Is that so?__"_

"_Duh. If you didn__'__t have feelings for her, you wouldn__'__t have to think about it. You would just know.__"_

"_Kyla, I__'__m tired. Can we talk about this tomorrow?__"_

"_Fine. But I__'__m not letting it go.__"__ I knew she wouldn__'__t. She was stubborn. She got that from our father._

_I was on my way to first period when I passed by Spencer__'__s locker. Now, she normally looked good, but that day, for some reason, she looked different. A good different. A very, very good different. She wasn__'__t dressed any differently, but I couldn__'__t take my eyes off of her. And I knew. I knew the answer to Kyla__'__s question. And there wasn__'__t any use in denying it. I knew all along._

_The day went by fast for a Monday. It seemed no time before it was my free period and I was heading towards the library. _

"_Mind if I join you?__"__ she said as she walked up and alongside me._

"_In the library?__"__ I asked._

"_Yeah. That__'__s what the place with the books is called, right?__"__ She looked over at me with a playful smile and I just quietly laughed. _

"_I don__'__t mind.__"_

_We sat down where we always sat, but this time she sat across from me. I was relieved. I was beginning to doubt how strong I was. And with what happened at the party, I knew it was only a matter of time before I gave in to my feelings for her. She surprised me by pulling a book out of her bag. It was Pride and Prejudice. _

"_I have to read it for World Literature,__"__ she said, __"__and, yes, I can read.__"_

"_I didn__'__t say anything.__"_

"_No, but I know what you__'__re thinking.__"_

"_No, you don__'__t.__"__ For some reason, Spencer gave off this __'__I don__'__t care__'__ vibe, but I knew she did. She was really smart and probably got better grades than me. People wrote her off because of spending that year in the detention center. I knew this because I had been one of those people who judged her._

"_Anyway, I read the first five chapters and I just want to throw it at the wall. I actually have several times. I don__'__t know how anyone can read this old stuff.__"_

"_I like this old stuff,__"__ I said as I grabbed the book before she decided to throw it again. __"__We can read it together, if you__'__d like.__"__ What was I doing? No clue, but I couldn__'__t seem to stop myself._

"_I may be persuaded to actually read it then.__"__ She smiled at me and it was a different smile then I was used to. It wasn__'__t her usually playful or cocky smile. It was a grateful smile. A happy smile._

"_Okay. But first I have to finish reading this.__"_

"_That__'__s fine. I__'__ll just sit here and watch.__"__ She rested her chin in her hands._

"_You__'__re going to be very bored,__"__ I laughed._

"_You obviously aren__'__t aware of how cute you are when you read.__"_

"_Shhhhhh,__"__ I whispered, shaking my head at her and trying not to smile. Or blush. Fail. Again._

"_I__'__m just speaking the truth,__"__ she said so seriously that I gave her a look. __"__Fine. I won__'__t say another word.__"__ She moved her fingers across her lips like she was zipping them shut. _

"_About time,__"__ I said jokingly. She glared at me. _

"_I__'__m sorry about Saturday night,__"__ she said only a few minutes later._

"_What?__"__ I heard her perfectly, but just her mentioning it made me nervous. I was having a hard enough time forgetting the way her body felt as it pressed against mine and the way her eyes gazed at me as if they were undressing every layer of me, starting with my clothes and ending with every thought I had inside of my head. __"__You remember what happened?__"__ I asked nervously._

"_It__'__s a bit fuzzy, but I do remember most of it.__"_

_I inwardly gulped. I knew I should have just lied to her. I wondered what she remembered. _

"_I am sorry, though,__"__ she said, __"__I know I crossed the line.__"_

"_It__'__s okay, Spencer. Don__'__t worry about it.__"_

"_Can I ask you something?__"_

_Oh no. What was I going to say to her? How was I going to lie myself out of this one? __"__Sure,__"__ I said. _

"_Isn__'__t in crazy how Elizabeth Bennet and I share the same amazing qualities? Honest, clever, witty, romantic...__"_

_Of course, she would bring up the book knowing that I was still thinking about Saturday night. I was pretty sure she did it on purpose. __"__Self-deluded,__"__ I interrupted with a laugh. And then I sighed to myself in relief. _

"_I think you__'__re talking about yourself.__"_

"_Yeah, maybe,__"__ I agreed._

"_Well, maybe you should let me get to know you more. And I feel like we__'__ve had this conversation before,__"__ she said._

"_We have. And I__'__m still not sure that__'__s such a good idea, Spencer.__"_

"_Why not?__"__ I heard the hint of frustration in her voice._

"_Because I__'__m with your brother.__"_

"_And that means that we can__'__t be friends?__"__ She was upset. I wasn__'__t used to seeing her upset. _

"_Is that all you want from me?__"_

"_No,__"__ she said simply and seriously, her eyes boring into mine as if she were trying to figure out what it was I really wanted._

_I had to get out of there. I had to get away from her. I was such a coward. I closed my book and put it in my bag. She grabbed my hand from across the table just as I was about to stand up._

"_But I__'__ll take what I can get. Even if it__'__s__…__ just friends,__"__ she said almost desperately._

"_I don__'__t think that will be enough for you.__"__ I looked down into those incredibly alluring blue eyes. I watched how they turned from hopeful to sad. I walked away before I said the two words that almost left my mouth: __'__or me__'__._

_I walked out of the library and straight into the bathroom. Shutting and locking the stall, I leaned up against the door and closed my eyes. The truth was, I wasn__'__t sure I could be just friends with her. I could barely stand being close to her in a public place, forget behind closed doors. I would be a wreck. I would be weak. And I couldn__'__t give in to whatever it was I felt for her. I couldn__'__t betray Glen. He had been the perfect boyfriend for over six months. I couldn__'__t let this insane and uncontrollable attraction I had to his sister break up the good thing we had. It would be different if I were in love with her. Was I in love with her? I didn__'__t know. _

_I didn__'__t know what to do at this point. I wanted her. God, how I wanted her. I was scared because of how much I wanted her. How was I going to go through the rest of the school year avoiding her? I couldn__'__t and I didn__'__t want to, but I had to. Somehow. _

_Kyla wasn__'__t very happy with me, even after I explained to her what was going on inside my head. She said I was making everything more complicated than it had to be. I wasn__'__t happy with Glen. He didn__'__t make me feel the way Spencer did. He didn__'__t make my heart beat fast, nor did he light my body on fire. He didn__'__t tell me I was beautiful__—__not that I actually needed to hear that__—__or look at me the way she did. He didn__'__t notice the little things about me and talk about them like they were big things. When I looked at Glen, I saw comfort. I saw a friend. Although our relationship had been a sexual one, it hadn__'__t been lately and maybe I would be doing him a favor by dumping him. Maybe he would be grateful. Maybe he would be relieved. _

_I tried to talk myself into thinking that everything was going to work out in the end. But, in reality, I knew it couldn__'__t. Not yet anyway. As much as I wanted Spencer, I didn__'__t even really know her all that well. I wanted to. I wanted to know everything about her. Even the bad things. Maybe if I had gotten to know Spencer, I wouldn__'__t be so scared to give myself to her, to give my heart to her. _

_On the Friday night, I said goodbye to Kyla and Linda. There was a cheerleading competition in Atlanta and they would be gone all weekend. Glen had practice and work, so I knew I wouldn__'__t be seeing much of him. I had the weekend all to myself and I thought about what Spencer had said about me being alone. She was right. I hated it. But I had gotten so used to it that I convinced myself I was okay with it. I curled up on the couch with a blanket and a book, and was just getting into the book when there was a knock at the door. Through the peephole I could see a young girl, my age maybe. I opened the door just enough to talk to her._

"_Can I help you?__"_

"_I was hoping you could help her. She told me to bring her here.__"__ I followed the girl's eyes down to find Spencer propped up against the house. _

"_What happened?__"__ I asked as I kneeled down to her. I felt my stomach drop and I swallowed hard when I saw that her cheekbone was cut and bleeding, while her eye was swollen and bruised._

"_She shouldn__'__t have come,__"__ said the short, black-haired girl wearing too much eyeliner._

_Spencer__'__s eyes were shut and she was mumbling something. _

"_Shouldn__'__t have come where? Who are you?__"_

"_Tell her not to come back. And take care of her,__"__ she said, ignoring my questions._

"_Can you help me get her inside?__"__ I asked, but she was already walking to her car._

_I was so confused, but I didn__'__t have time to think about who she was and what just happened. I was too worried about Spencer. She was alert enough to help me walk her inside and get her onto the couch._

"_Spencer?__"__ I moved her bangs out of her face and let my hand linger on her forehead, my fingers softly playing with her hair. She didn__'__t answer, but she tilted her head towards me. __"__Spencer? Talk to me, please.__"_

"_Ashley,__"__ she whispered._

"_What happened to you?__"_

"_I got beat up,__"__ she said with a laugh._

"_Spencer, it__'__s not funny. You__'__re hurt.__"_

_Her eyes finally opened and she lifted her hand and placed it on my cheek. __"__I__'__m feeling better now.__"_

"_Let me go get something to clean you up.__"_

_I raided the bathroom cupboards for medical supplies, grabbing some aspirin and a glass of water. When I walked back into the room, Spencer quickly pulled her shirt back down. It was too late. I had already seen the bruises on her ribs._

"_I__'__m fine. They don__'__t hurt that much,__"__ she said, but the lie was contradicted by her wince when she pulled her shirt down. She was in a lot of pain._

"_I__'__m going to call Linda.__"_

"_No! You can__'__t do that, Ashley.__"__ Her voice was full of panic._

"_She__'__ll know what to do. She__'__s a nurse. I can__'__t help you.__"_

"_You can__'__t call her. She__'__ll call my dad and then my dad will investigate it and it__'__ll only cause more trouble for me. Please. You can__'__t call her.__"_

"_What if they__'__re broken?__"_

"_They__'__re not broken. Just bruised. I promise. I__'__ve had broken ribs before,__"__ she said. I looked at her with my eyebrows raised. __"__Not every girl in juvie is as sweet as me.__"_

"_Oh.__"__ Sometimes I forgot she was locked up. _

"_I won__'__t call Linda, or your dad, or Glen, but you have to tell me what happened.__"_

"_Okay. I will,__"__ she said sounding defeated. And exhausted._

"_All of it. I want to know what happened tonight, and I want to know what happened last year.__"_

"_Okay. But can it wait until morning?__"_

_I sat down on the coffee table in front of the couch. __"__It can wait.__"_

_After I cleaned up the cut on her cheek and placed a butterfly stitch on it, I got her an icepack to help with the bruising. _

"_Should we wrap up your ribs?__"_

"_No, I__'__ll be fine. I just need to sleep.__"_

"_Okay.__"__ I grabbed a blanket and laid it over her. __"__Do you need anything else?__"_

"_Just__…__ Don__'__t leave, please.__"__ Her hand slid onto my knee. There was no way I was going anywhere. I was so worried about her._

"_I won__'__t. I promise.__"__ I slid my hand on top of hers._

_She closed her eyes and I sat there waiting for her to fall asleep. I knew I wouldn__'__t be getting any._

"_Ashley?__"_

"_Yeah.__"_

"_Does this mean we__'__re friends?__"__ she asked quietly, her eyes still closed._

"_Yeah, Spencer. We__'__re friends.__"__ I leaned down and gently pressed my lips to her forehead. We were so much more than friends._

_...to be continued..._

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><p><strong><em>Hope you enjoyed!<em>**

**_Yes, I am on twitter (at the moment) 1sparkles04_**

**_Dev- devandclom_**

**_Steph- steph_garc12_**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you to all of you who have read and take the time to leave a review. Much appreciation to you. I know I said 4-5 chapters, but, as always, I've gotten a little carried away and it's looking to be more like 6, maybe even 7. Definitely not more than 8, but who knows. It all depends on how long it takes to tell the story and how inspired I am. I've got at least 6 at the moment. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the chapter. And thanks again!**

**Also, thanks to _Steph_ and, of course, my beta, _The Awesome Dev_ (DYSWIDT?)**

* * *

><p><span><strong>Chapter 4<strong>

_The sun was shining in my face and I could barely open my eyes. My legs were sore and for a moment I was confused as to where I was. It all came back to me when I saw Spencer smiling at me from the other side of the couch._

"_Morning, sunshine.__"_

_I was curled up at the other end of the couch. The blanket that I had put on Spencer was now on me._

"_How are you feeling?__"__ I asked her. _

"_Like I got hit by a truck. But it doesn__'__t hurt that much as long as I don__'__t move__.__"_

"_Well, no moving then,__"__ I said seriously._

"_Too late.__"_

_I tilted my head and gave her my motherly look of concern._

"_I had to pee, and I made you breakfast.__"__ She smiled at me and I know it had to have hurt. Her entire cheek was bruised along with her black and blue eye._

"_You made me breakfast?__"_

"_Yup.__"__ She motioned with her head to the coffee table._

"_Fruit loops and a banana?__"_

* * *

><p>"You look like a weirdo over here, smiling like that. What are you thinking about?" Kyla interrupted.<p>

"The morning after Spencer showed up at the house beaten up. She made me breakfast. It was so sweet."

"Wasn't it just cereal or something?" Kyla laughed.

"It was much more than just cereal. It was the start of something special. I finally let down my guard around her. I finally let myself fall for her."

"Hey, you two. Sorry I keep disappearing."

Speak of the devil.

"Don't apologize. It's your big night." Kyla put her arm around Spencer and pulled her into her. It reminded me so much of when we were kids. They both looked so different, though—so grown up, so stunning.

"I know, but you came all this way to see me and I feel badly for not being able to talk to you." Her eyes found mine.

"We're not going anywhere. In fact, we're staying in the city for the weekend. We'll have plenty of time to talk."

She smiled and I could see the excitement in her eyes.

"Good, because I want to catch up. I've missed you," she said to both of us.

We were interrupted again and Spencer had to leave. Each time she left, I felt greater disappointment. I couldn't wait until the show was over so we could get a coffee and just talk. With every small conversation that we had tonight, I realized that I missed just hearing her voice a lot more than I had originally thought.

"So, we're staying the weekend, huh?" Kyla asked with a nudge.

I downed the rest of my wine. "We are now."

She didn't respond. She just smiled like she knew something I didn't. Maybe she did.

* * *

><p><em>I knocked on the door and she asked me to come in.<em>

"_What do you need?__"__ Luckily, she was still fully clothed. When she turned towards me, I could see that her eyes were watery. __"__Are you okay?__"_

"_Yeah, I just, I can__'__t get my shirt off.__"_

"_Okay, I__'__ll__…__ help you.__"__ On the outside I looked calm and unbothered. On the inside I was a mess. I kept telling myself that it was just a shirt. She had her bra on, I was sure. Or I hoped so, anyway. I wasn__'__t ready for this. __"__Lift your arms,__"__ I ordered. She lifted them as high as she could and I saw her flinch a few times. _

_I slowly pulled her shirt up, revealing the dark purple bruises that covered most of her right side. I tried to ignore the way I was feeling in that moment. I didn__'__t want her to see my reaction. Once her shirt was off, I looked away. _

"_One more thing. Can you get the back?__"__ She turned around and faced the shower. _

"_Trust me, Ashley. This was not the way I pictured you undressing me.__"__ She laughed.__"__Owww.__"__ And then regretted it._

_My fingers found the snap of her bra and slowly pulled it apart. I stood behind her for a moment, taking in the sight before me. She was so beautiful. Even battered and bruised. I wanted to reach out and caress her back. I wanted to lean down and taste the skin on her shoulders. I wanted to kiss her neck and pull her into me. _

"_Thank you, Ashley,__"__ she said so softly I barely heard her._

"_Sure. Let me know if you need anything else.__"__ I walked towards the door. _

"_Ashley?__"_

_I turned around just as she did. Her arms were covering her breast and her bruises were visible again. I looked down, I couldn__'__t handle it._

"_Nothing. Never mind,__"__ she said._

"_Are you sure?__"_

"_Yeah.__"_

_I walked into my bedroom and sat down on my bed. I was so upset that I started to cry, and then I was angry. I wanted to find out who had hurt her and make them pay. Then I was upset again and I just wanted to hold her. I was an emotional mess. _

_My phone rang and I was relieved to see Kyla__'__s name on the screen. Apparently she had already talked to Spencer, who had, of course, downplayed everything. I didn__'__t want to worry Kyla, but I had to tell her. I reassured her that I was taking care of her best friend; there was nothing I wouldn__'__t do to ease her pain. And when she called me into the bathroom again because just the simple task of washing her hair hurt so much, I didn__'__t say no. I never thought I would be kneeling next to a bathtub full of water with a naked Spencer inside, washing her hair; and, if I had, I would never have thought it would feel so innocent. She needed my help. And I had promised her and Kyla that I would take care of her. _

_My feelings for Spencer were getting stronger and I couldn__'__t deny them any longer. I needed her just as much as she needed me. I didn__'__t know what was going to happen. I had no clue what to do. So I decided that I was going to be her friend, and see what happened from there._

_I washed and rinsed her hair as fast as I could. I had to get out of there. I didn__'__t trust myself. As much as I wanted her, it wasn__'__t the time or the place. I found some clothes for her to wear, a pair of grey jogging pants and a pink and white flannel shirt. After leaving them on the bathroom counter for her, I went back downstairs and sat down on the couch. I was so lost in my very loud thoughts that I didn__'__t hear her come down._

_She sat down next to me on the couch and I jumped._

"_Sorry. You were zoned out.__"_

"_Yeah, I was just thinking.__"_

"_About?__"_

"_About you,__"__ I said. She raised her eyebrows, waiting for more. __"__You promised me answers.__"_

_She pulled her legs up onto the couch, which caused her to wince, before closing her eyes and rubbing them. __"__I know. Where do you want me to start?__"__ she asked with a sigh._

"_Last night. Where did you go and why did you get beaten up?__"_

"_Maybe I should just start from the beginning, yeah?__"_

_I nodded and she nodded back. _

"_Okay. So, I met Carmen, the girl who brought me here last night, two years ago at a party. She was older and she was charming and we connected right away. I liked her. I didn__'__t realize how much until a little later. I was with this guy at the time. We__'__d been dating for months. Once I started hanging out with Carmen, it was all I wanted to do. So I dumped him and she and I became inseparable. One night, she kissed me and everything just seemed to click. It all made sense__—__I was attracted to her and I wanted to be with her every second of the day, so it wasn__'__t hard for her to convince me that I was gay. We became a couple, without anyone knowing, of course, and for months I was able to keep it a secret. Eventually, Glen found out and then my Dad, but neither one of them had a problem with it. _

"_At the time, my parents were having trouble with their marriage and I was fighting a lot with my Mom because I blamed her for it. She was cheating on my dad. And one day, I was so mad at her I decided to tell her I was gay just to piss her off because I knew it would. It__'__s why I waited so long to tell her. And it did piss her off. She was so angry that she hit me.__"__ She paused and wiped a tear from her cheek. I reached across the couch and slid my hand over hers. __"__My Dad walked in just in time to see me fall to the floor. That led to a screaming fight with my Mom and ended with him telling her to leave and never come back. And that__'__s what she did. _

"_The next few months were so hard. My Dad started working so much that he rarely made it home for dinner. Glen was upset with me. He blamed me for Mom leaving and tearing the family apart. So, I practically moved in with Carmen. And she pulled me into her world, so far into her world that I didn__'__t even belong in my own anymore. I didn__'__t have a father, or a mother, or a brother and my best friend was across the country. All I had was Carmen. She treated me well. And she showered me with gift after gift. And one day the curiosity finally got the best of me and I asked her how she could afford it all. She had a part-time job at a jewelry store that her uncle owned and there was no way she was paid as much as she was bringing home. She loved me and she trusted me so she told me how, she showed me how. Her cousin and his friends stole cars and dealt drugs. And so did she. I didn__'__t want any part in the drug business. But the thought of stealing a car__—__well, at that point, what did I have to lose? So I went out with Carmen and this guy, Bobby, and they showed me what to do. After a few weeks, it became almost an addiction. The rush of it all, the risk, the fear of getting caught. It was all exciting to me. And a small part of me hoped I would get caught because then maybe my father would be forced to pay a little attention to me. And then one night__…"__ She shook her head and then peered off to the wall like she was picturing it. __"__One night we were careless and sloppy and we got caught. And let__'__s just say that I couldn__'__t run as fast as they could.__"__ She stopped to take a sip from a bottle of water. _

"_So you were arrested and they got away?__"_

"_Yeah. Since it was my first offense, I could have gotten off with just probation, but the judge wanted to teach me a lesson. My Dad had connections, being a deputy to the chief of police, and wanted me away from Carmen and her cousin. Everyone was surprised, no-one more than me, when they sentenced me to a year in a detention center. 'Tough love' is what my dad called it. It didn__'__t help that, a week prior to getting arrested, he found a bag full of pills in my bedroom. It was Carmen__'__s. I didn__'__t even know it was there. But it didn__'__t matter. He was mad and he didn__'__t want me mixed up with them anymore, so he figured a year in juvie would straighten me out. I also could have received a shorter sentence if I would have given the police names. I wasn__'__t stupid. If I'd turned them in, I would__'__ve been in deeper shit. The beating I took last night was nothing compared to what they would have done to me if I'd snitched on them. I begged my Dad to let it go. I told him I would stay away from Carmen for good. I think he knew that things could have gotten worse for me.__"_

"_So why did you go to Carmen last night?__"_

"_She had something that was mine. Something I had been asking for since I got out.__"__ She pulled a gold chain with a small heart locket out of her coat pocket. __"__It was my grandma__'__s. I left it at Carmen__'__s along with some other things. She refused to give it back so I went to get it. After a screaming fight, she told me that she really did love me and she apologized for everything that happened. I was almost out of there when her cousin walked in. He thanked me for not giving the police his name, but told me he couldn__'__t let me out of there without roughing me up a bit.__"_

_She wiped her eyes again and holding her hand just wasn__'__t enough for me. I moved down the couch and put my arm around her._

"_I was so scared. I knew that it wasn__'__t going to be bad. I knew that he wasn__'__t trying to kill me. But, standing there and not being able to fight back__…__ You have no idea how hard that was. I got into my share of fights at the center, but at least I was able to throw a few punches and try to defend myself.__"_

"_If Carmen loves you so much, why did she let him do it?__"_

"_What could she do? She__'__s powerless against him. And he__'__s family. She wouldn__'__t dare do anything to fight him.__"__ Her tears began to fall steadily and she continued to swipe them away. __"__I__'__m not that girl, Ashley. I never was. I just got caught up in it all. I__'__m not that girl.__"_

"_I know that, Spencer. I know who you are.__"_

"_No, you don__'__t. But I wanna show you. I want you to know the real me.__"_

"_Then show me.__"_

_She nodded and then she rested her head on my shoulder. I did what I had been wanting to since the previous night: I held her. She cried for a little while longer and then she fell asleep in my arms. Although I was the one doing the comforting, in a way, I was being comforted, too. I needed to hold her and feel her close just as much as she needed to be held in my arms. _

_It was definitely weird seeing this side of Spencer, and sad. Behind that cool and calm exterior was a seventeen-year-old girl who had had a very emotional and eventful year. She had been through a lot and she had to go through it alone. With the exception of Kyla, I was all she had. She wasn__'__t going to go through anything alone ever again__._

_After Spencer__'__s confession, things were different. She was different. We both let our guard down around each other and I was lucky enough to see a few different sides of her that I might never have had the chance to see. I already knew the confident Spencer, the funny Spencer, the calm and collected Spencer. And I liked all of those Spencers. But I think the Spencer I liked the most was the Spencer who was sweet without even trying or meaning to be. The Spencer who brought me cereal and a banana for breakfast. The Spencer who killed a spider for me even though she was afraid of them herself. _

_I made good on my promise and we read Pride and Prejudice together. She didn__'__t ask many questions which led me to believe that she had no problem understanding it; she just wanted to spend time with me. I was definitely okay with that. Afterwards, we rented the movie at her request. Halfway through, she fell asleep and I couldn__'__t help but watch her. She was so much more than the girl I thought she was. She was fascinating in so many ways. _

_I watched her chest rise and fall and I brushed her bangs out of her face. I was so comfortable with her and the fact that she was in my bed. I lay down with her and fell asleep listening to her quiet snores._

_In the forty-four hours I spent alone with Spencer, I discovered a lot. The beautiful blonde girl who I was slowly falling for was a snorer, but in a cute way, if that was possible. She had a love for orange juice and Pop Tarts. Her favorite singer was Billy Joel, and I found it extremely adorable when she quietly sang me Uptown Girl while we trying to fall asleep. And it was even more adorable how she made me sit through three hours of Meerkat Manor because it was her favorite show. The cocky Spencer whom I had met several times only came out once during the weekend, after I told her that she had a beautiful smile. It slipped. I saw many different Spencers in those forty-four hours. I saw the vulnerable Spencer. I saw the sad and upset Spencer. I saw the sweet and innocent Spencer. And I saw the protective Spencer. Each side of Spencer was a side that I completely adored. _

_It was time for her to go home. She didn__'__t want to be there when Linda got back. She didn__'__t want the questions. I drove her home. When we pulled up to her house, she leaned over and surprised me with a soft kiss on the cheek. _

"_Thank you,__"__ she said, and between the kiss and the way she was looking at me when she said those two words, my melting heart was beating so fast, I was afraid she might hear it. I heard a giggle and then the door shut and finally snapped out of it to see her walking up the steps to her porch. Just before she shut the door behind her she looked back and it hit me. Sometime between 8pm Friday night and 4pm Sunday afternoon, I had fallen in love with the other Carlin._

* * *

><p>"I don't know how you haven't been mobbed by all of the young guys… and girls in here," she said quietly. "You're by far the most beautiful thing in the room." Her eyes were serious and of course I looked away and smiled.<p>

"I think they're a bit distracted by the artist," I countered. "And I'm far from the most beautiful thing in the room."

She tilted her head to the side. "You always were the modest one." A waiter brought her two glasses of wine and she handed me one. "So, Kyla mentioned something about dinner tomorrow night. I told her that I would love to, but I don't think I can wait that long to see you again. This thing is going to be over soon. Do you think you might want to stay and have a cup of coffee with me afterwards?"

"I think I could wait." My insides were dancing with happiness. I would wait a lifetime if I had to. I pretty much had.

"Great." She smiled big. "We can go up to my place."

"And where is your place?"

"Right above us." She pointed towards the ceiling.

"Perfect."

We stood there sipping on our wine and smiling at each other. I wondered if she was remembering the past like I was.

* * *

><p><em>It had been three days since I had seen Spencer. <em>

_When I dropped her off the night after our weekend together, her dad was home. He questioned what had happened to her and he believed the lies (that she got into a fight with someone__'__s girlfriend at a bar) and then he grounded her for a week. On top of that, she stayed home from school while her wounds healed. I was sad not to see her, but happy that her dad was taking care of her. She needed him even though she would never admit it. _

_Glen questioned me about her staying at my house over the weekend and I told him that she had shown up at my door bleeding; I couldn__'__t exactly turn her away. I didn__'__t like lying to him, but I was lying to him every second I breathed. Every time I thought about Spencer I was cheating on him. And for no other reason than I was a coward, I continued to lie to him. Even after I realized I was in love with his sister, I couldn__'__t break up with the guy. What the hell was wrong with me? _

_Spencer came back to school on the Thursday and when she walked into the classroom my heart did a little flip. She smiled and added a little chuckle at my reaction. I was happy to see that with a little makeup you could barely notice the bruising on her cheek. The cut was still noticeable, but it wasn__'__t that bad. _

"_Hello, Ashley.__"__ She dropped a folded-up piece of paper on my desk as she passed. I opened it slowly, almost afraid of what was written on it. _

_'In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feeling will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I adore and love you.'_

_I smiled to myself, a thousand butterflies fluttering in my stomach as I read the words over again. They were the words of Mr. Darcy in Pride and Prejudice, but it felt as if they were meant for me. I turned around to see a bashful smile spread across her face. Definitely a first. _

_Our teacher interrupted the moment, but he could do nothing to disrupt what was going on inside of me. I re-folded the paper and put it in my pocket or else I knew I wouldn__'__t be able to stop reading it. _

_After school, I drove home with Glen to spend some time with him before his game. In truth, I hoped to see Spencer, but she stayed in her room the entire time. I didn__'__t see her at all until just before I left. I was in the door way about to leave when Glen leaned in to kiss and hug me. As I was wrapped in his arms with my chin rested on his shoulder, I saw her. She was standing at the top of the staircase and it was easy, even from where I was standing, to see the hurt in her eyes. She quickly turned and walked back to her room. I felt it in my stomach, the guilt, the pain, and I wanted so badly to run up there and take her in my arms. I wanted so badly to tell her she was the one I wanted to be with. Instead, I left. _

_I was supposed to go to Glen__'__s game. I was supposed to sit in the bleachers and be his own personal cheerleader. I sat in my car in the parking lot for the entire game and when I saw him approach, his bag over his shoulder and a frown on his face, I stepped out of the car and leaned on it. _

"_Where were you?__"__ he asked. _

"_I was here. I just__…__ never got out of my car,__"__ I admitted. __"__I had a lot of thinking to do.__"_

"_Is everything okay?__"_

"_No.__"__ I rubbed my eyes and he dropped his bag and moved towards me. _

"_What__'__s wrong, Ash?__"__ He rubbed my arm. He was comforting me, and I felt like the most horrible person in the world._

"_It__'__s over,__"__ I said without looking at him. I couldn__'__t._

"_What__'__s over?__"__ he asked, moving closer._

"_Us,__"__ I whispered. I didn__'__t mean for it to come out so quietly, and I was hoping he actually heard it because I didn__'__t think I would be able to repeat it. _

"_Us? What?__"_

"_I__'__m breaking up with you, Glen.__"__ There was no need to repeat it this time. I said it loud and clear. I wasn__'__t angry with him: I was angry with myself._

_We sat in the parking lot for a little more than an hour and we talked. He fought me until he realized himself that there was no reason to stay together. We were still in high school and we had tied each other down for nothing. We weren__'__t in love. We were, at best, just friends. By the time I had dropped him off at home we had agreed that ending things was for the better. I could see that he was hurt, but we both knew the love that we felt for each other was more of a friendship kind of love. We were going to try to stay friends and to remain a part of each other__'__s life. He walked into the house and I laid my head back and let out a sigh of relief. It was over. I was free to do what I wanted and to be with who I wanted. I just hoped that we could still be friends when he realized the person I wanted to be with was his sister._

To be continued...


	5. Chapter 5

_**For those of you who actually read the author's note: Thank you! And thanks to everyone who has read the story and took the time to leave a review. There will be 2 more chapters after this, at least. Hope you enjoy the chapter. Also,** to be continued**... just means that, to be conitnued. Didn't mean to freak anyone out. **_

_**Much thanks to Steph and Dev. (Lots of smileys)**_

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><p><span><em><strong>Chapter 5<strong>_

_It was Friday and I was so ready for the week to be over. I wanted Spencer to be un-grounded soon so I could spend some time with her. I didn't know if Glen had mentioned our break-up, or if he had kept it to himself. It wasn't like they were on speaking terms. And even if they were, I didn't think they would talk about me anyway._

_I thought it was going to be a good day. But the minute I pulled into the parking lot, my thoughts quickly changed. I felt sick at the sight of Spencer standing next to Emily Samuelson__'__s car, kissing her. I just sat there and I couldn__'__t look away. What was she doing? Why was she kissing her? This wasn__'__t supposed to happen. I almost vomited right there in my car. _

"_Ashley? What are you doing in there?__"__ Kyla tapped on my window. When I didn__'__t answer, she opened the door. __"__Earth to Ashley. Hellooo?__"__ She waved her hand in front of my face. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths trying to make the nausea go away. __"__Ohhhhhh,__"__ she said, and I could only assume she finally saw what was upsetting me. __"__Umm, yeah, when did that start happening?__"__ she asked, like she had no idea herself. __"__Okay, so your reaction gives me the answer to that question you never answered. You definitely have feelings for Spencer, no?__"_

_I nodded my head yes. And when I opened my eyes and dared to take another look, I wished I hadn__'__t. Spencer__'__s hand was on her cheek and I saw the girl laugh before leaning towards her for another kiss. I could not even describe the way my insides were feeling. Along with the nausea, there was sadness. I was too late. _

_A tear rolled down my cheek and Kyla wiped it with her thumb. __"__Oh, Ash. Come on, let__'__s get you inside.__"_

_I wanted to skip first period. I wanted to leave school right then. But I was stronger than that. I could handle it. What I couldn__'__t handle was acting like everything was okay, so when Spencer walked into the classroom, I pretended to read. Yes, I was back to that. And I was back to avoiding her, which was what I did. At lunch, I sat with Glen. I was surprised that he hadn__'__t told anyone about our breakup either. We acted as if nothing had changed. Nothing really had: we were still just friends. I didn__'__t look for Spencer once throughout the forty-five minutes. I was afraid I would see her with that redhead again. _

"_So you__'__re avoiding me again? And here I thought we were friends.__"_

_I thought she might come looking for me. I was in the library, where I always was on my free period. I probably should have found somewhere else to go._

"_I__'__m just tired. I wasn__'__t in the mood to talk,__"__ I lied._

"_Too tired to even look at me?__"_

_I slowly turned my face towards her. And I regretted it the moment I did. Her eyes always had a way of luring me in. I was still quite upset and I wanted to be mad at her._

"_You look exhausted,__"__ she said as she rested her hand on my arm. __"__You okay?__"_

_Spencer always seemed to surprise me. I thought things might be weird or hard for us after I caught her on the stairway the night before, looking like she could cry. But she didn__'__t look the least bit upset about it now. And she sure didn__'__t look upset when she was kissing whatsherface. _

"_Yeah, I__'__m fine. I just didn__'__t sleep well.__"__ Part of that was true: I didn__'__t sleep the best. I was sad and also a little excited about the breakup. I imagined the moment I would tell Spencer more times and in more ways than I could remember. And now, now I didn__'__t know how or when I should tell her. I sure as hell wasn__'__t __'__fine__'__. I wanted to just come out and ask her if she was seeing that girl. I wanted to ask her why. Was it because of what happened the night before? If she had feelings for me, how could she just make out with another girl? I had felt guilty for even hugging my own boyfriend after I started having feelings for Spencer. How the hell could she kiss Emily Fucking Samuelson? There. I said her stupid name. _

"_You should go home and take a nap and then you can come out with us tonight,__"__ she said, and instantly I thought: Who is __'__us__'__? _

"_What__'__s going on tonight? And does this mean you__'__re not grounded anymore?__"_

"_I__'__m not sure, actually. Kyla wanted to go out and do something since her boyfriend__'__s going to be gone for the weekend. And sort of. I told Dad I was going out with you and Kyla and, of course, he said yes. He loves you two.__"_

_I wanted to say no. I wanted to go home and just lie in my bed and listen to depressing music. That__'__s what people with broken hearts did, right? Was my heart broken? Was that why just looking at her hurt? Was this the way she felt last night when she saw Glen kiss me? _

"_I don__'__t know. I__'__m pretty tired,__"__ I said. I definitely could not handle a night of pretending I hadn__'__t seen that kiss. I couldn__'__t get the image out of my head. I couldn__'__t get Emily__'__s smile out of my head. I imagined Spencer saying something funny or cute to her, and that upset me even more. I wanted to be the only one Spencer said funny and cute stuff to. _

"_Stop being lame, Ashley. It__'__s Friday night. You can sleep in tomorrow morning.__"_

"_What? I__'__m not being lame.__"_

"_You__'__re so being lame. And you__'__re coming out with us tonight, even if I have to drag your lame little ass out of the house.__"_

"_My ass is little? And lame?__"__ I joked. I was cheering up a little, knowing that Spencer wanted to spend her Friday night with me._

"_Your ass is perfect. Just like the rest of you,__"__ she said seriously. She stood up and slung her bag over her shoulder. __"__Go home and get some sleep. We__'__ll be leaving around six.__"_

_After school, I went right to my bed. I wanted to get a couple of hours of sleep. Who knew what kind of crazy plans Kyla had for the night. Last time Kyla and I went out on a Friday night, we ended up in Myrtle Beach for the weekend._

"_Ashhhhleeeey,__"__ I heard whispered in my ear. It was Spencer__'__s soft voice. I didn__'__t know if I was dreaming, but I didn__'__t want to wake up if I was. I felt a warm hand move my hair from the side of my face. __"__Ashhhhleeeey.__"__ She moved her hand from my back to my stomach causing my body to tremble in excitement. __"__Come on, Ashley. It__'__s time to wake up. We__'__re leaving in ten minutes.__"__ Okay, maybe I wasn__'__t dreaming. I rolled on to my back and looked up to see Spencer smiling. It wasn't a bad way to wake up. Not at all. __"__There she is. Hello, beautiful.__"_

_I didn__'__t know what to say. She had left me speechless again. And I didn__'__t get a chance to speak anyway, as Kyla ran into the room and jumped onto my bed, almost on top of me. __"__About time you woke up. I thought we might have to carry you to the car.__"_

_I sat up and ran my hands through my hair. My alarm clock read 4:30 p.m. __"__What happened to six? I thought we were leaving at six?__"__ I asked Spencer, who was still lying down. And still smiling. Oh, man. _

"_Change of plans,__"__ Kyla said. And then she said something else, but I didn__'__t hear the second part. I was too distracted by the way Spencer was looking at me. I wanted so badly to lie back down and cuddle with her. I think that was what she wanted too. __"__Ash? Did you hear me?__"_

"_Huh?__"__ I answered. Spencer finally sat up. She rested her chin on my shoulder and I felt her warm cheek on mine. What the hell was going on? Was I still dreaming? _

"_I said that we__'__re going camping.__"__ Did I hear that right? I had to be dreaming._

"_Huh?__"_

" _We. Are. Going. Camping. Don__'__t worry. I already packed a bag for you. So, can you two stop being weird so we can go?__"_

"_Camping? How? And why?__"_

"_Charlie invited us. He__'__s going with a few other people from school and he said we were more than welcome to come up.__"__ Ahhh. The Halloween camping trip. It was a senior thing which happened on the weekend before Halloween every year. From the stories I had heard, there was sex, drugs, alcohol and skinny dipping. And most of that would take place around the fire playing Truth or Dare. _

_Charlie was Kyla__'__s boyfriend, sort of, and I didn__'__t really like him all that much. He was too into himself. Spending a weekend with him and his friends did not seem appealing to me, but if Spencer was going, I was too. _

"_Do we even own a tent?__"__ I asked._

"_No, but Spencer does. It__'__s already in the car,__"__ she replied, looking at me strangely. __"__You__'__re not going to fight me on this? You actually want to go?__"_

"_Well, I don__'__t want to stay here alone with my lame ass.__"_

_Spencer started laughing and Kyla looked at me strangely again. __"__Let__'__s go then.__"_

_We got loaded up into Spencer__'__s jeep, which she had bought during her time off from school. Apparently she had sold a few of her paintings and made enough to put a down payment on the used vehicle. It was nice and roomy and I thought she must have made a decent amount from her artwork to afford it. I felt guilty that I had never seen any of her art._

_We had to stop to get gas and a few groceries. Spencer left to get stuff to make s__'__mores and Kyla nudged me. __"__Don__'__t you think you should call your boyfriend and tell him you__'__re leaving for the weekend?__"_

"_No,__"__ I simply said as I pushed the shopping cart along._

"_Why not? What__'__s going on with you two?__"_

"_We broke up.__"_

"_You what?! When did this happen? Why didn__'__t you tell me?__"_

"_Relax, Ky. It happened last night. I was going to tell you this morning, but I was a little distracted.__"_

"_Relax? You and your boyfriend broke up and you didn__'__t think you should tell your sister, your best friend, as soon as possible? Wait. Did you do this because you__'__re in love with Spencer?__"_

"_Okay, I got two of everything. Just in case,__"__ Spencer interrupted from behind us. I hoped she hadn__'__t heard our conversation. She didn__'__t act like she had._

_We packed up the car with the groceries and Spencer had to run back in because we forgot ice for the cooler. I got in the car and I could feel Kyla__'__s eyes on me._

"_I did it for me. And for Glen. And I did it because I__'__m in love with Spencer,__"__ I admitted._

_Her mouth opened wide. __"__Yet another thing that you should have told your sister.__"_

"_I__'__m sorry, okay? I__'__ve been going through a lot lately. I__'__ve been confused.__"_

"_It__'__s okay. I kinda figured it out this morning,__"__ she said with a laugh, but quickly stopped when she saw the look on my face. My thoughts instantly went back to Spencer and Emily kissing. __"__Sorry.__"_

"_It__'__s fine. I__'__m fine. Don__'__t worry about.__"__ It wasn__'__t fine. I wasn__'__t fine. It was silent for a minute. Both of us were looking out our windows. _

"_Ky?__"__ She turned to face me. __"__Am I too late?__"_

_She gave me an __'__are you kidding me?__'__ look. __"__Have you seen the way that girl looks at you?__"_

"_I have. Does that mean I__'__m not too late?__"_

"_For someone so smart, you__'__re kinda stupid. Yes, that means you__'__re not too late. She loves you, you dummy.__"_

_Although my sister had insulted me__—__twice__—__the only words that I heard for sure were __'__she loves you__'__. Before I could respond, the back of the Jeep opened and I heard the sound of ice being poured into the cooler. Kyla looked at me with the biggest grin I had ever seen on her goofy face and I couldn__'__t help but smile. Emily fucking Samuelson who?_

_It took about two hours to get to Crystal Lake (and I wasn__'__t too happy about the camp being called Crystal Lake, which reminded me of the Friday the Thirteenth movies). Several times, I caught Spencer__'__s eyes on me in the rear-view mirror. _

_The campgrounds were much more than I expected, which had been nothing but trees and tents. Crystal Lake Campgrounds were not like any other I had seen. There was a lake, obviously, but also three pools. It had a recreation center, a general store, two baseball fields, four playgrounds, a full bath facility for every row of campsites, and there were more R.V.s than tents. _

_We finished setting up the six-man tent, which was the biggest I had ever seen. It even had a divider curtain in the middle. I didn__'__t imagine we would be using it. _

_It was almost dark and someone had already started a fire and a few people were sitting around it. I hadn__'__t been camping since I was a child, five or six, maybe. The smell of campfire filled my nose and took me back in time. I remembered my dad setting up a small tent and cooking stew on a large pot that hung over the fire. My mom would be at the picnic table cutting vegetables and singing along to the portable radio. I didn__'__t have very many memories of us as a happy family. The memories I did have would stay with me forever._

"_You wanna go for a walk?__"__ Spencer asked sneaking up behind me. I nodded._

_We walked down the road towards the lake in silence. _

"_The sky is so beautiful tonight,__"__ Spencer finally said. Once we stepped onto the sand, she removed her shoes and rolled up her pants. I did the same and we walked up and down the shore talking about the stars and the lake. I wasn__'__t sure why, but she seemed different. She was quiet, and I, for once, had to start conversations._

"_You okay?__"__ I asked her._

"_Yeah, I__'__m fine. Why?__"_

"_You__'__re so quiet.__"_

"_I__'__m just taking it all in. Being here. With you. I__'__ve been thinking a lot.__"_

"_About what?__"__ I ignored the part where she said __'__with you__'__ because I had been doing the same thing. I was enjoying alone time with just her. I was imagining what it would be like to have her and to be hers._

"_Trust me, you don__'__t want to know,__"__ she laughed._

"_Oh, but I do. Tell me.__"__ But she sighed and sat down in the sand. I joined her, sitting close enough that our knees were touching. __"__You can tell me anything, Spencer. That__'__s what friends are for, right?__"_

"_I know I can,__"__ she whispered, looking off in the other direction. I slid my hand onto her lap and covered hers, giving it a gentle squeeze. She looked down at our entwined hands and raised her eyebrows._

"_What? Friends can hold hands,__"__ I said and she smiled. I could see that she was uncomfortable talking about whatever it was she was thinking. __"__Talk to me, Spencer.__"__ I gave her hand another squeeze._

"_There were nights when I was in that place that I convinced myself I never wanted to come home. I__'__d lie in bed and stare at the wall and I would think of ways to get in trouble so I could stay longer. I didn__'__t want to come home. I didn__'__t want to come home to an empty house. My mom was gone, my dad and brother both hated me. I felt so alone. I didn__'__t think I deserved to be cared for or loved. It took me a long time to get over that feeling. But with help from my psychiatrist and your sister__'__s visits, I started thinking more positively. To this day, I still have bad thoughts. Mostly having to do with my family. And I can only hope that someday we__'__ll be a family again. And I know I__'__ll always have Kyla. She__'__s my best friend and she always will be. She__'__s never given up on me. But you, you were a pleasant surprise. I never expected to care about someone the way I do with you.__"__ She looked down at our hands again, almost as if she were afraid to look at me, or let go of my hand._

"_I don__'__t understand, Spencer. What are you saying?__"_

_She sighed again and looked over at me. I could see the tears forming in her eyes._

"'_I__'__m in love with you, Ashley!__"__ she said as if frustrated and then she let go of my hand and stood up. I just sat there trying to remember how to breathe. __"__And I never thought I had it in me to love someone so much that I would do just about anything for them. And I__'__m scared. I__'__m scared of feeling this way. I__'__m scared because since I have met you I haven__'__t felt so__…__ alone.__"__ She paused and folded her arms over her chest. __"__I don__'__t want to lose that. So I__'__m not going to try to pursue you anymore. I__'__m not going to say anything about you being with Glen. I__'__m willing to be just your friend because I just want you in my life. I don__'__t know what I would do if I lost you now.__"_

_I was speechless. All I could do was stare off into the lake. I wasn__'__t surprised at her feelings for me. I just didn__'__t expect her to say the words. It was my turn to be brave. I had to tell her._

"_Spencer.__"__ I pushed myself off of the sand stood beside her._

"_It__'__s okay, Ashley. You don__'__t have to say anything. I know that you__'__re with my brother. I know that you love him in your own way and you__'__re comfortable with him and you feel safe. That__'__s all anybody wants, right?__"_

"_No, that__'__s not all anybody wants. People want to feel loved like they__'__re the only thing in the world that matters. They want to feel passion and fire and butterflies. I want that. Spencer, I__—"_

"_Hey, guys, I__'__ve been looking everywhere for you.__"__ Kyla practically skipped down the beach and interrupted my confession. I was about to tell Spencer that I felt those things with her. Damn it, Kyla._

_She told us she was staying in Charlie__'__s tent. Usually this would be the time when Spencer gave her the __'__Go get __'__em, Tiger__'__ speech and I gave her the __'__Just make sure this is what you want and you__'__re careful__'__ speech, but Spencer surprised us both by giving her my speech. Then she walked down the beach after saying good night._

"_Is she okay?__"__ Kyla asked me. And she knew that something was going on when I didn__'__t answer. __"__Did you tell her that you broke up with Glen and that you__'__re in love with her?__"__ I shook my head no. __"__What are you waiting for, Ash? Tell her how you feel.__"_

"_I don__'__t know, maybe if my annoying little sister hadn't interrupted me.__"_

"_Oh. Sorry.__"_

"_It__'__s okay. I__'__m so scared, Ky. I do love her and I want nothing more than to be with her. But what if hurt her?__"__ I thought about what Spencer had said about me and how she didn__'__t feel so alone anymore. __"__What if I hurt her? What if things don__'__t work out and we end up hating each other and she feels alone again?__"_

"_Ash, you can__'__t think like that. When you love someone, you have to tell them. You have to put it all out there, like she did. Don__'__t wait any longer. Someday you might be too late. It__'__s time to man up and tell the girl how you feel. Like, now!__"__ She shoved me. __"__Go.__"_

_After walking the length of the beach again, I headed back to our campsite. I found Spencer sitting at the fire and just the sight of her laughing made my heart melt. But much like this morning, my mood changed fast. I was so distracted by her smile and her laugh that I didn__'__t even notice who was sitting next to her. Almost on top of her._

_Emily._

_Why was she here? Did Spencer know she was going to be here? Did she invite her?_

_At first I was angry and my gut instinct was to walk over there, grab a handful of her perfect red hair and yank her to the ground. My second instinct was to scream at Spencer. My third was to just walk into the tent and cry myself to sleep. And that__'__s what I did. It was my own fault, really. If I had just told Spencer the truth, she would be with ME right now. If I wasn__'__t such a fucking coward, she would be with ME right now. Why did people have to make things so much harder than they had to be? Why did they have to make things so complicated when they could be so simple?_

_It had only been about twenty minutes when I heard the zipper of the tent slowly slide up and then the rustle of the plastic as she walked over to her bed. I didn__'__t know if she had heard me crying when she walked up. I wiped my eyes, rolled on to my side facing the other way, and pulled the blanket up over my head._

"_Ashley, are you okay?__"__ she whispered. I didn__'__t answer her. I hoped she would just let it go. __"__I know you__'__re awake. Talk to me.__"_

"_I__'__m fine.__"__ She had to have heard the ache in my voice. I tried to hide it, but it was no use. It was quiet for a moment and then I heard her moving. And then I felt her lift up my blanket and slide underneath it. And then her warm arm slid over mine and she took my hand in hers. I closed my eyes and took in every feeling that washed over me: warmth; love; comfort; excitement._

"_You__'__re not fine. What__'__s wrong?__"__ she whispered again. I rolled onto my back. With the fire still going, there was just enough light in the tent to see her. Looking into her eyes, in that moment, I was so overwhelmed with feelings. There was no doubt that I was in love with her. She wiped the wetness from underneath my eyes. __"__Why were you crying?__"__ she asked. I couldn__'__t lie to her. I didn__'__t want to lie to her anymore._

"_Are you with Emily?__"__ I asked. It wasn__'__t what I wanted to say, but it was what had decided to come out._

"_Emily? No. Why?__"_

"_I saw you with her this morning. And just now at the campfire. I don__'__t understand. If you love me, then why were you making out with Emily? Why is she here?__"_

"_I__'__m not with her, Ashley. And I didn__'__t invite her, I swear. I had no idea she was going to be here.__"_

"_You were kissing her this morning,__"__ I said, and it was impossible to hide the hurt in my voice._

"_I__'__m sorry that you saw that. Last night, when I saw Glen kiss you and then you hug him, it killed me, Ashley. And I realized you might never leave him and choose me. So I gave up and I tried to forget you by being with her. But it didn__'__t work.__"_

"_You were__…__ with her?__"_

"_No. That__'__s not what I meant. What you saw this morning, that was me trying to move on. I haven__'__t had sex with her. Or anyone else for that matter. If you haven__'__t noticed, I__'__ve been a little preoccupied with you.__"_

"_I__'__m sorry. I know I have no right to ask or be bothered by it.__"__ I looked away to hide the tear that escaped from my eye and slid down my cheek. __"__But I am,__"__ I concluded, still facing away from her._

_She turned my face back towards her and once again wiped the tears away with her finger._

"_Do you love me?__"__ Her voice was quiet and unsure._

_My heart jumped in my chest. Her eyes were gazing deeply into mine and we both knew that she already knew the answer. I reached my hand up and gently caressed her still-bruised cheek. _

"_Yes. I love you.__"__ It felt so freeing saying the words. It had been the first time I said those three words and knew without a doubt, with all of my heart, that they were true. Spencer was frozen. For once, I think I had left her speechless. She slid out from under the covers and stood up. __"__Spencer?__"_

"_I don__'__t understand any of this. You say you love me, but you__'__re still with him. You know how fucked up that is?__"_

"_Spencer, no!__"__ I threw the covers off and nearly jumped at her. __"__I__'__m not__—"_

"_This sucks,__"__ she interrupted. __"__I know that I don__'__t have much to offer you, Ashley. You have your future planned. You__'__re going to college and I, I have no idea what I__'__m going to do after school. I have nothing but my painting. And Glen has a full ride to a great school and everyone knows he__'__s going to do great things. He can give you so much. But he can__'__t give you anything that actually matters.__"__ Her hand ran slowly up my side and she pulled me closer. I gasped as her fingers found the bare skin on my lower back sending shivers throughout my entire body. Warming and exciting me. She lowered her voice. __"__Like what you__'__re feeling inside right now.__"__ I closed my eyes as her other hand cradled my cheek, her thumb tracing my bottom lip. __"__He doesn__'__t look at you like I do, because he doesn__'__t see what I see. He can__'__t, because you don__'__t give yourself to him the way you do me. He could never make you happy because he has no idea what makes you happy. He__'__ll never appreciate what he has because he doesn__'__t even know who you really are. I know you, Ashley. And I am so completely in love with you.__"_

_I couldn__'__t speak. I was taking in everything she said. The words replayed in my head. She was right. _

"_I need to go for a walk. I need to think,__"__ she said as she grabbed her shoes._

"_I__'__m not with him anymore.__"__ The words flew out of my mouth as fast as I could get them out. And maybe a little too loud._

_Her shoes dropped to the floor. __"__What do you mean?__"_

"_I broke up with him.__"_

"_What? When? Why didn__'__t you say something?__"_

"_I wanted to. But this morning I saw you with Emily and, I don__'__t know, I was hurt and confused. And then Kyla interrupted us at the beach, and afterwards I came looking for you and saw Emily practically sitting in your lap.__"_

"_You__'__re not with Glen anymore?__"__ she asked quietly, like she couldn__'__t believe it. I shook my head, no. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. _

"_Spencer__…"__ She unzipped the tent. __"__Where are you going?__"_

_Her eyes were filling with tears when she looked back at me. __"__For a walk. I need to think.__"__ And she left._

_I sat there so confused. I told her what she wanted to hear, that I loved her and I broke up with Glen. Wasn__'__t that what she wanted all along? I lay back down and the tears came back full force. This wasn__'__t how I imagined it all turning out. I finally confessed my feelings. And she left. Maybe I was too late._

_I fell asleep, but the minute I heard the tent unzipping again I woke up. I wasn__'__t sure what time it was, or how long she had been gone. Not long after, she was under my covers again. She pulled me into her and kissed the back of my head. _

"_I__'__m sorry,__"__ she said. __"__I was shocked and overwhelmed and I just needed a moment to myself.__"_

"_Are you okay?__"_

"_Yeah, but I__'__m tired. We__'__ll talk in the morning, okay?__"_

_I let out a sigh of relief. __"__Okay. Good night.__"_

"_Goodnight.__"_

_I took her arm that was draped around my side and pulled it up to my chest, holding it tightly. But it wasn__'__t enough. I wanted more. I turned completely over and nuzzled myself into her, my arms around her and hers around me. We fell asleep quickly._

* * *

><p>The studio had all but emptied out. I was alone in the back while Spencer talked to her agent and the few remaining guests. Kyla left to go check us into a hotel. We had no plans of staying the weekend, but that had changed the moment we both saw Spencer.<p>

I found myself in front of the wall of me when she approached me.

"Everyone has left. Finally." She stood next to me.

"Did you have a successful night?"

"I did. I sold seven paintings." She didn't seem excited.

"You don't seem very happy about that."

"It's always hard to part with something that you've put so much of your heart and soul into." She turned towards me and the moment we made eye contact I understood the double meaning. I quickly looked away and I could see that she was still staring at me from the corner of my eye.

"So, how much for these?" I was willing to pay anything. As beautiful as the paintings of me were, I didn't want them up there for the whole world to see.

"These? They're not for sale."

I turned towards her, her eyes on the paintings as she took the last sip from her glass of wine. "Not even to me?"

"Not even to you."

"Then why do you have them out here?"

"I wanted you to see them."

"Why?"

"So that you would see that you have never left my thoughts. I didn't paint these when we were together, Ashley. They were all painted from memory. The two on the bottom, I have those memories of you the most. They're the most vivid. Those two nights at the campgrounds were the best two nights of my life."

They were mine too.

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><p><em>I could tell it was still early. No-one was awake. The campgrounds were completely silent. I slipped out of the tent to use the restroom, and made sure to take my bag of bath necessities with me. There was no way I could let Spencer see me in daylight looking the way I did, not to mention my breath was, no doubt, horrible. What if we finally kissed? I shivered as I walked across the road to the bathroom. It was chilly, but really it was the thought of finally kissing Spencer that sent the shivers throughout my body.<em>

_The only good thing about getting up early was that there were no lines to use the showers. I was in and out in under twenty minutes, brushed my teeth and headed back to the tent. Spencer was still asleep and when I slid back underneath the covers she rolled over and laid her head on my chest. I smiled to myself. Everything finally felt right. I was so happy. And holding the girl I loved was the best feeling I had ever had. I was warm and more than comfortable. I wasn__'__t surprised that I fell back asleep quickly._

_I woke to the sound of laughter and yelling. Everyone must have been awake. I looked at my watch and it read 10:34 a.m. I couldn__'__t believe I had slept so long. Spencer wasn__'__t in the tent and I was a little disappointed. Just as I was about to get up the zipper of the tent went up and she stepped inside holding a plate and a mug._

"_Hey, you__'__re awake,__"__ she said with a smile. That smile, I could stare at for the rest of my life._

"_Yeah, I was just about to come out.__"_

"_Well, your sister cooked breakfast and I thought you might be hungry.__"__ She handed me a paper plate loaded with scrambled eggs. __"__And I brought orange juice, too.__"_

"_Thank you. That was very sweet of you,__"__ I said as I took a forkful of the eggs. __"__Oh, wow,__"__ I said after the eggs were in my mouth._

"_Yeah, they__'__re really bad, huh?__"__ she said with a disgusted look on her face._

"_They__'__re horrible. Why did you bring me a plate?__"_

"_I thought it would be better if you showed your distaste for them in here instead of out there. That way you wouldn__'__t have to eat it all cause you were afraid her feelings would be hurt.__"__ She made another disgusted face. It was so cute. _

"_Poor Spencer.__"__ I laughed and she took the plate from me and handed me the orange juice. Thankfully, Kyla hadn__'__t made that too. _

"_I could sneak some Fruit Loops for you?__"_

_I laughed again. __"__No, I__'__m fine. Really. But thank you, Spencer.__"_

_We sat in silence for a moment. Neither one of us knew what to say or do next._

"_Do you want to take a walk? It__'__s a beautiful morning, but we might get some rain in the afternoon.__"_

"_Yeah. A walk sounds good.__"__ Or we could just stay in the tent all day talking and cuddling and maybe even some other things. I put my shoes on and unzipped the tent. She was right behind me and before I could take a step out, she pulled me back, our faces inches apart, our eyes locked on one another__'__s, our lips just begging to meet. _

"_I wasn__'__t dreaming last night, right?__"__ she asked and I shook my head no. __"__You love me?__"__ I nodded. __"__Can you say it again?__"__ I lifted my hands to her face and held them there._

"_I love you, Spencer,__"__ I whispered. __"__And I__'__m so sorry I didn__'__t tell you sooner. I was stupid and a coward.__"_

"_No.__"__ Her hands moved up and down my back. __"__Just a little lame sometimes.__"__ A small chuckle left her lips and I couldn__'__t help but stare at them. __"__It__'__s okay, though. I love you anyway.__"_

_She leaned her forehead against mine and pulled me closer by my hips. First our noses touched and then finally our lips. It was a soft and simple kiss, our mouths partially open, lips lingering, pulling away slowly and then reclaiming the other's once again. My hands fell from her face and I wrapped them around her neck. Kissing Spencer was even better than I had imagined, and I had imagined it more times than I could count. It was sweet and gentle and everything a first kiss should be. And I couldn__'__t wait to share many more firsts with Spencer._

"_Can I ask you something?__"__ she asked when we finally pulled apart. A wide smile formed quickly on her lips._

"_Sure.__"__ There was nothing I wouldn__'__t or couldn__'__t tell her at this point. _

"_It__'__s something that has really been bothering me and I just don__'__t understand. I just can__'__t wrap my mind around it.__"_

"_Spencer, you can ask me anything,__"__ I told her as I grabbed her hand and smoothed the back of it with my thumb. _

_She looked at me with such a serious face. __"__How does one mess up scrambled eggs?__"_

**_...to be continued..._**

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><p><strong><em>Leave a review if you wish. Always love hearing your thoughts.<em>**

_Dedicated to the one who inspires me._


	6. Chapter 6

**_Soooo sorry, guys. I know it has been way too long since I updated last. But hey, life happens. For those of you who send me prompts, I apologize if I have rejected them. I cannot write a story for characters I am not familiar with. And even though I love to watch/read fantasy, I don't think I could write it and do it justice. Anywho, thanks to everyone who is still around and reading the story._**

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><p><strong><em>Chapter 6<em>**

"Hey, you," said the beautiful blonde walking towards me. She was barefoot with her heels dangling from her fingers and even though she looked tired, she was still as stunning as I had ever seen her. "Hopefully this is the last time I have to apologize to you," she frowned. "Now that all of the guest have left I just have to go over some things with Jeff and then I am all yours." I looked over at her agent and he smiled. I had only talked to him briefly, but he seemed to really care about Spencer and her best interests.

"It's okay, Spencer. Really, I don't mind." My hand reached up on its own and rested on her upper arm. I noticed how she softly gasped at my touch. I lowered my hand and she quickly grabbed it, holding in between both of hers. "Why don't you head upstairs. Make yourself at home. It shouldn't be more than a half hour. It's just through those doors." She pointed to the two wooden doors at the back of the studio. "You sure?" I asked and she nodded. "There should be some coffee and tea on the kitchen counter if you want to start some."

I pushed through the double doors that led to a backroom. It was filled with boxes and blank canvases. There was a black spiral staircase in the corner with a small balcony at the top. The door was unlocked and I let myself in. I stood in the doorway and took a good look at her apartment. It was nearly empty except for some furniture and more piles of boxes. The kitchen seemed to be the only room put together. I found the tea right away and after filling up a kettle and putting it on the stove, I made my away around the small apartment. The door to the bedroom was open and I leaned on the doorframe and took a peek. A full-size bed with a black comforter and grey pillows sat against the wall. A night stand and a dresser were the only other things in the room. I noticed there was a picture frame on the top of the nightstand and curiosity got the best of me. I took a step into the bedroom just as something ran across the room and into the attached bathroom. I was pretty sure it was a cat. I hoped it was a cat. I reached the nightstand and picked up the frame. It was a picture of her face sandwiched in between two little blonde girls. They must have been Glen's twin daughters. I smiled at the picture. She looked so happy and her nieces obviously adored her. I couldn't blame them. I set the frame down exactly how I had found it and turned around to walk back out of the room, but I stopped in my tracks when I saw another picture sitting atop of her dresser. It was the two of us at the campgrounds. We were sitting in the sand and she was kissing my cheek. I remembered that day like it had just happened.

* * *

><p><em>When we finally left the tent, Kyla recruited us to clean up the breakfast dishes. Spencer hadn't told her anything yet. She said that she would leave it up to me. I knew my little sis would be over-the-moon happy for us. And she would ask about every single, little detail. She was such a girl. The weather was sunny, but only 70 degrees and everyone was going to the beach to ride Jet Skis. Charlie's family owned four of them and kept them at a private beach on the other side of the lake. It wasn't warm enough to swim, but a Jet Ski ride sounded fun. Kyla needed someone to go to the camp store with her to get some flashlight batteries and some bug spray and I volunteered. I wanted to talk to her about Spencer while no-one else was around. I told Spencer I would meet her at the beach. She looked around before leaning in and stealing a quick kiss. <em>

"_So I saw Spencer kiss you," Kyla said the moment we stepped onto the path that led to the store._

"_Uh huh." I was waiting for her to explode with questions._

"_And…" Apparently she was waiting for me to fill her in. _

"_I told her last night."_

"_And…"_

"_And this morning we kissed."_

"_And…"_

"_And what?" I laughed. Just like I thought, she was wanted details._

"_Come on, Ash. My sister and my best friend are in love and I want to know every last detail on what happened last night… and this morning."_

_I rolled my eyes. There was no way that I was getting out of this. I started with what she said at the beach and ended in our kiss this morning. I left out the part where she was the worst cook ever. The entire time she looked at me with the goofiest smile. I know she was happy for me, and Spencer, as well._

"_Well, I'm a genius. I knew this was going to happen," she said, clapping her hands excitingly._

"_Oh, really?"_

"_Yeah, the first time you two met I felt like maybe I should leave the room."_

"_What?"_

"_The eye sex that was going on was making me extremely uncomfortable."_

_I rolled my eyes at her again and she laughed and pulled me into her._

"_I'm so happy that you found each other. You're exactly what Spencer needed, and vice versa."_

"_Thanks, lil sis."_

_Spencer wasn't at the campsite when we returned and I found a note that she had headed to the beach. I put my bathing suit on, and covered it with my shorts and a t-shirt. I found her under a tree where the sand and the grass meet. She had a pad of paper in her hand and it was obvious she was distracted. I snuck up behind her but froze when I saw her drawing. I was in awe. It was a drawing of a little girl who was playing in the sand with a bucket and shovel. The little girl was about twenty feet from us and she kept filling up her bucket, dumping it and filling it again. _

"_Don't worry. I got permission from her mom and I'm going to give it to her when it's done," Spencer said without turning around._

"_I'm not as sneaky as I thought, huh?"_

"_Not at all."_

"_It's amazing, Spencer. I had no idea how good you were." And it made her all the more fascinating to me. To see that she could create so much beauty made her more beautiful to me. I sat down in the sand next to her, but not too close. I didn't want to invade her space while she was drawing._

"_Thank you. I'm almost finished and then we can go find everyone and take a ride."_

"_No rush. I thought you'd be out there already."_

_She finally looked up from her drawing. "I thought you might want me to wait. So I waited." She smiled with her eyes squinted and I couldn't help myself, I leaned in to kiss her. It was a quick kiss. There were far too many people around to go any further than that. "What was that for?" She asked. _

"_I just wanted to kiss you. Do I need a reason?"_

"_Never."_

_It took a little more than a half hour for her to finish the drawing. The mother of the little girl was very impressed and thankful. She offered Spencer money, but she would not accept. It was obvious that Spencer loved doing it. That was enough for her._

_By the time we made it to the group everyone was done riding. They had set up a little picnic area and were just lounging around, eating and drinking beer. We had our pick of jet skis and I climbed up onto the two-seater. Spencer was a little hesitant. I patted my hand on the back of the seat and then held it out for her. She slowly walked into the water and slid her hand into mine. But she didn't climb up and I turned to face her._

"_You have nothing to be worried about. I won't let anything happen to you. You just have to trust me," I said to her. _

"_Kyla told you, huh?" She asked, still standing in the water._

"_She did. I wish you would have."_

"_I don't like telling people about it. I don't like thinking about it."_

_I slid off of the Jet Ski into the water and pulled her to me._

"_You don't have to talk about it. And we don't have to do it if you don't want to, but I promise I won't let anything happen to you. I spent every weekend in the water back in Cali and I know how to drive this thing pretty well." I leaned my forehead against hers. "Do you trust me?" I asked._

_Her hands ran up my sides until they reached my face. Her lips pressed against mine. _

"_I trust you," she whispered. _

_Once we were both atop the Jet Ski she wrapped her arms around me tightly and rested her head on my back. She said she was ready and I took off slowly. This was another side of Spencer that surprised me. As she clung to me for her life, I thought back to what Kyla had told me. When Spencer was twelve she was on a tube and being pulled behind a boat. As the boat took a wide turn her tube whipped to the right and she was hit by another boat coming from the other direction. She hit the water so hard it knocked her unconscious. The feeling of the impact and flying through the air before smacking into the water came back to her anytime she went out on a lake. Being on the Jet Ski with me now was a big step for her. _

_The lake was so still. There were only a few fishing boats out. I took us around the lake twice, finding a speed that felt safe for Spencer. I could tell by her sudden death grip on me when I started to go to fast. Houses of all sizes surrounded the lake. Some of them were so beautifully built and others looked like they had been abandoned for years. By the time we made the turn to go around the lake for the second time, Spencer had finally lifted her head off of my back. _

_The clouds had covered up the sun and the temperature dropped. It was time to head in. I was not about to get stuck out on the lake in a storm. We were half way around the second trip and I slowed the Jet Ski and came to a stop._

"_You alright?" I asked her._

"_Yeah. I'm great. This was fun," she answered and I was happy to hear the excitement in her voice. "Why did you stop?"_

"_It's your turn," I said._

"_My turn?" Her eyes widened. She was so cute._

"_Yep." I stood up and put both of my feet on one side of the Jet Ski._

"_Uh, what are you doing?" The Jet Ski rocked a bit and I saw the fear in Spencer's eyes._

"_It's your turn to drive. Scoot up." I held my hand out for her and she quickly grabbed it._

"_No, that's okay. I'm good right where I am."_

"_Spencer, it's really easy and you'll do just fine. Besides, there's no-one left on the lake. Just us two."_

_She looked around and then up at me._

"_You can do it. I'll help you."_

_She slid up and I sat down behind her. After giving her a few directions she turned the handle slowly and for a while we were going slower than a fishing boat. The sky had darkened considerably and I was beginning to worry. Spencer must have noticed this too, because suddenly the speed picked up and we were flying over the water. _

"_Oh my….." She screamed into the wind. I laughed and held onto her a little tighter._

_After we pulled the Jet Ski up onto the shore and secured it, Spencer grabbed onto me and hugged me._

"_Thank you," she said. _

_I responded with a kiss. _

_We made it back to the campsite just as a bolt of lightning lit up the sky. Everyone either went into town or was hiding in their tents. We decided to just stay in the tent and wait for the storm to pass. I wasn't too crazy about the idea. Especially since the wind had picked up. But being alone with Spencer for a few hours would make it worth it. Neither one of us was ready to change in front of each other yet, so we pulled some dry clothes over our bathing suits and slid underneath the sleeping bag. We were facing one another and she rested her hand on my hip. She was about to say something, but her words were cut off by my mouth on hers. I had been waiting all day to kiss her again and the moment I did, I remembered why. The feeling I felt throughout my entire body at just the slightest touch of her lips was something I couldn't recall ever experiencing. And something I could not get enough of. Our kisses deepened and when I felt her tongue touch mine and her hand slide against the back of my thigh everything changed. The excitement and tingling feelings went away and I was left with nothing but arousal. There was no way I was pulling away from her now, and we didn't have any reason to. I wanted Spencer, all of her. I wanted to feel and taste every inch of her body. And just as I lowered myself and started to kiss her neck, she pulled away. _

"_I think that we should wait," she said. What?! I tried my best to not look disappointed._

"_O-okay, if that's what you want." I don't think it worked. She could see that I was._

"_Ash, we have plenty of time. We don't need to rush anything. And when we do finally have sex, I want you to have my full attention, and right now, you don't."_

"_What else could you possibly be thinking of right now?" I said a little too loud and she laughed._

"_Relax. The only other thing on my mind is this tent collapsing on us. And getting struck by lightning."_

"_Funny, I thought we already did get struck by lightning," I said to her and she looked at me with an adoring smile. _

"_I did warn you," she said before leaning in and resting her forehead against mine. "To be honest, it struck me the first time I saw you."_

"_Really? You were so mean to me."_

"_I didn't mean to be mean. It was a cover for how nervous I was. Kyla had talked about you so much. And she made you out to be someone I knew I could fall for. Because everything she said about you was everything I knew I wanted. I began to think that she made you up. And then there you were sitting in the kitchen and you looked up at me with those beautiful, dark and piercing eyes." She ran her fingers through my hair and I lay there still, not able to break eye contact. I didn't say anything. I just wanted her to keep talking. _

"_After that, the cockiness, that just came natural. I didn't used to be that way. In fact, I was the complete opposite. Being in there, in juvie, it changed me. I learned who I was in there and I found out I was stronger than I thought I was. I was surrounded by girls who hated themselves and didn't give a damn about anyone or anything. And being so outspoken and headstrong I tended to attract a lot of trouble from the other girls. But after a while I started to gain respect from most of them and I had myself a little following. It went to my head fast and apparently that person that I was in there comes out now and then." She rolled onto her back. "And I apologize for that." A little laugh left her mouth followed by a sigh. "Anyway, why are you so quiet? Let's talk about you."_

"_Oh no, I'd rather hear more about you. And you don't ever have to apologize for who you are. I fell in love with who you are and I think you're amazing. Sure you have flaws, everyone does, but they just make me love you all the more." _

_Spencer's cockiness drove me crazy, but it was also something that attracted me to her. I wasn't about to tell her that. I didn't want her to do it on purpose. I liked the randomness. One minute she was cocky and the next she was sweet and shy. That was the Spencer I found most attractive. The unexpected Spencer. _

"_It's a good thing it's dark so you can't see that I am blushing."_

"_Yeah, but now you've told me. So…"_

_The wind pushed up against the tent causing us both to jump. I was starting to understand Spencer's concern about it collapsing on us. But I was warm and I was comfortable and even with the storm raging on, I felt safe. _

"_Do you want to get out of here?" She asked. _

"_Nah. I'm good, as long as you keep talking."_

"_What do you want me to say?"_

"_Tell me about your childhood. Tell me more about your time at the center."_

"_Fine, but you have to talk too. For every question you ask I get to ask one in return."_

"_Okay." We both sat up and faced each other. I missed the warmth of being in her arms right away, but the way she reached for my hand and rubbed the back of it with both of her thumbs was comforting as well. "So… I feel like this is kind of a cliché question, but I really want to know." _

"_You can ask me anything, Ashley. Even if you think it's cliché or stupid or too personal."_

_I definitely had some personal questions to ask but I wanted to start off with light questions. _

"_When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?"_

"_Easy, I wanted to be a police officer like my dad. I used to wear his hat around the house and read everyone the Miranda Rights. And yes, I knew them by heart."_

"_You must have been so adorable. I would have loved to have seen that."_

"_You still can. I can put the hat on and read you your rights. If that's what you're into." She wiggled her eyebrows. _

"_I might take you up on that." Spencer in a police uniform: Yes, please._

"_I certainly hope so," she said seriously. The sexual tension in the tent was almost too much to bear. If it wasn't for the loud crack of thunder that startled us both so much we nearly jumped out of the sleeping bag, I might have jumped onto her and ripped her clothes off. _

"_Are you sure you don't want to at least go sit in the car?" She asked again._

"_Yes, I'm sure. I feel perfectly safe in here with you. There's no place I would rather be." And there wasn't. Spencer gave me a sense of security I hadn't felt since my dad died. She made me feel more loved than I had felt since I was a child. I didn't know what it was about her. Maybe it was the way she looked at me like I was the only girl in the world. Maybe it was the way she held me so tight like she was afraid to let go. Maybe it was the way my heart beat faster every time she was around. I felt like no matter what, I would be safe with her because she loved me more than anything else in her life. I wasn't used to being loved like that. _

"_Okay, my turn. Same question," she said. I pursed my lips. I didn't really want to answer._

"_Promise you won't make fun of me?" I begged, puppy dog eyes in full effect._

"_I can't make that promise."_

"_You can't laugh, Spencer." She pursed her lips. I sighed. "I wanted to be a librarian." She didn't say anything at first and I thought she was holding in a laugh. Instead she tilted her head to the side and smiled._

"_As much as you love to read, that makes sense."_

"_And as a librarian I would have access to hundreds of books and I wouldn't have to pay for them."_

"_That's just as adorable," she said as she leaned in. "My little book nerd. All mine." Her whisper against my lips sent shivers down my back. "If I kiss you, you're not going to try and attack me, are you?"_

"_I can't make that promise."_

_The time in between our kisses was far too long. I took her face in my hands and pressed my mouth against hers. Her lips were so soft. They glided against mine so gently, so perfectly, like they were the only lips I was meant to kiss. And when I kissed Spencer I knew. I knew this was what kissing someone should feel like. It wasn't rushed. It wasn't sloppy. It wasn't done out of some foolish sense of duty or expectations like some of my previous relationships. It was slow and sensual and I never wanted it to stop. So when she pulled away again I sighed. This time it was because she had to use the bathroom. I stayed in the tent while she braved the storm. By the time she returned the storm had finally died down to a steady light rain. She crawled under my covers and I pulled her into my arms. The soothing sound of the rain patter against the tent, along with the comfort of a warm body in my arms made it hard to not drift off to sleep. _

_We spent the entire afternoon in the tent, talking and kissing, content just being together. After dinner everyone gathered around the fire to play Truth or Dare. I didn't want to play. I hadn't played the game since 6__th__ grade and I wasn't in any rush to ever play it again. Yet there I was sitting in between Spencer and Kyla, and it was my turn. Spencer owed me big time. I picked Truth and I wasn't surprised when the guy asked about my sexuality. The second time, though, I was so surprised by the question I just sat there with my mouth open. "Who's better in bed, Glen or Spencer?" asked none other than Emily Fucking Samuelson followed by a look that told me she was quite bitter about Spencer rejecting her. "I wouldn't know," I answered. And it was true. I could see her glaring at me between the rising flames of the fire. Her question sparked many more questions regarding me and Spencer and I had had enough. I was about to stand up and admit that we were together. I wanted so badly to see the look on Emily's face, but I couldn't do it. We hadn't talked about it, but I knew we had to keep quiet. At least until we told Glen. And when she walked over to Spencer and kissed her, it took everything in me to not stand up and push the girl in the fire. It didn't matter that she was dared to do it, it didn't matter that Spencer didn't kiss her back. I stood up and walked away from the group before I did something I would regret. And I would only regret it because everyone would for sure know that Spencer and I were together._

"_Ash, wait, where are you going?" She tried to keep up with me, but I couldn't walk fast enough._

"_I don't want to play anymore. I'm going for a walk."_

"_I'll come with you."_

"_No, it's okay. Stay." I wasn't mad at her. I just wanted to be alone._

"_It's dark out. You shouldn't be walking alone."_

"_I'm not going to walk through the woods. I'll be alright."_

"_You don't want me to come with you?" She sounded upset and I finally stopped._

"_You probably shouldn't. Everyone already suspects were sleeping together thanks to your friend."_

_She looked down and grabbed my hands, pulling me closer to her._

"_Take a flashlight and be careful, okay."_

_I walked up and down the rows of campsites. Most people were sitting at their fire pits. Some roasting marshmallows, a few cooking pies and even hotdogs. I smiled as I thought back on my time camping with my parents. I had thought about them a lot since we arrived at the campgrounds. Probably because it was one of the few memories I had of us as a happy family. I missed my father terribly. The father that he was when he was actually around. I promised myself I would be a better parent then the both of them if I ever had any children. That got me to thinking about my future with Spencer. And I imagined us sitting around a campfire with our little boy and girl, making s'mores and laughing. Then I laughed at myself for imagining that. Spencer and I weren't even a couple yet. We had only technically been together for not even twenty four hours. Something didn't sit right with me though. She pulled away from me twice. And, yes, we had technically only been together for not even twenty four hours but if we were being honest, we'd been together for much longer than that. I didn't want to wait to be with her. We waited long enough. I knew I was making it more than it was, but it bothered me that she wanted to wait. I couldn't stop thinking about her and Emily and Carmen and the girls at the center. I couldn't stop thinking about her comments about sleeping with more than one person at the same time. I knew Spencer was very sexually active. Why didn't she want to have sex with me?_

_I made my way onto the beach. It was empty except for a couple sitting in the sand kissing. From a distance it looked like there was someone in the water. When I got closer I heard the laughing. Spencer. And then I saw the clothes lying in the sand. She was skinny dipping… with Emily. I walked off of the sand and onto the grass headed for our campsite. I was upset and angry and I almost turned around to throw their clothes into water. _

"_Ashley, wait up!" she yelled out. I didn't stop. This time I was furious and I didn't want to talk to her._

"_Ashley!" She was close behind me._

"_What?!" I yelled as I whipped around._

"_It's not what you think?"_

"_And what is it that I think? You were skinny dipping with… her!"_

"_Well, I intended to skinny dip alone. She followed me in."_

"_You wanted to skinny dip alone?"_

"_I didn't want to skinny dip at all. But I had to. The rules of the game." I looked at her confused. "I turned down a dare so I had to jump in the lake naked," she added. Now that she said it, I did remember them saying that before we started playing. "I didn't know she was going to follow me in there and then once she did I was hesitant to come out because I didn't want her gawking at me. We were only in there a few minutes before you walked by and nothing happened. I promise."_

_I believed her. And I couldn't be angry with her. Not with how good she looked. I tried my best to look pissed but my eyes changed and I know she noticed. I wanted her. How could I not? She stood there, her hair dripping wet, water running down her neck and under her shirt that was only half-buttoned, showing off her glistening stomach. _

"_Ashley." She grabbed my hand almost desperately._

"_You know you're the only one that I want." Her fingers touched my cheek and I jumped. They were cold and I pulled her hand down and held it in mine to warm it up._

"_Why don't you want to have sex with me?" It came out of my mouth without my permission._

_Her eyes opened wide and then she looked confused. "Why would you think that? Of course I want to have sex with you, Ashley. I've wanted to have sex with you the first day we met. I think I even offered." She laughed. _

"_But now you don't. Why?"_

"_I do. I just want to wait until the timing is right. Why is this bothering you so much?"_

"_I don't know. Maybe because I know you've been with a lot of girls and I feel like you don't want to with me because I haven't." _

"_Look, I know what I insinuated but it couldn't be further from the truth. I was just messing with you back then. I can count on one hand how many girls I've been with. Actually, not even one hand. Carmen and two girls at the center. That's it."_

_She pulled her hands out of mine. Her hands cradled my face as they pulled me up to meet her eyes. I kept mine shut as a few tears escaped out from the closed lids. _

"_Ashley, please look at me," she whispered. I could feel how close she was. I felt her breath on my face. I opened my eyes to see tears forming in hers._

"_I love you, Ashley. And I've never felt this way about anyone, ever. You mean more to me than you'll ever know. I don't want to just have sex with you, I want to make love to you and I've never done that before. I'm a little scared." _

_I didn't give her the chance to say anything more. I leaned in and pressed my trembling lips against hers. After that, there was no more thinking, only reacting. Her hands found the back of my head and our lips started moving together, hungry and desperate for more. I grabbed a hold of her hips and brought us even closer if that was possible. I felt her tongue on my lower lip and I moaned, opening my mouth and letting her inside. The kiss had become sloppy but neither one of us cared. I just wanted her, all of her, everywhere, all at once. I knew she wanted to wait, and now that I knew why I had to respect that. Still, it was obvious that her body wanted differently than her head. _

_I had no choice but to pull away, we needed to take a breath. I ran my hand up the back of her shirt. Her skin was ice cold. _

"_We should get you warm."_

_When we were both back inside the tent I told her to take her clothes off. _

"_You just want me naked so you can take advantage of me," she joked. _

"_We'll keep our bathing suits on, okay?" She nodded and I turned around so she could get undressed. Even though she would be covered by her suit, I didn't think I could handle seeing her half-naked at the moment. I pulled my shirt up and over my head and as I unbuttoned my pants I felt her close behind me. Her hand slid up and down my upper arm and then I felt her. She pressed into me from behind. I closed my eyes and gasped as a cold and hard nipple grazed my bare back._

"_What happened to keeping our bathing suits on?" I asked as she wrapped her arms around me and kissed my neck. My body was already reacting to the feel of her pressed up against me._

"_Well, I didn't really have a chance to put my top back on since I had to chase after you on the beach. In fact, I think I may have even left it sitting there in the sand."_

"_This isn't really fair, you know?" I spun around in her arms. "You want to wait to be with me yet here you stand, half-naked with your eyes telling me you want the same thing I do."_

"_I do want the same thing you do."_

_I pulled away from her and lowered myself onto the sleeping bags. When I looked back up at her, I noticed how nervous she was. Especially after I let my eyes drop to her bare chest. Cocky, confident Spencer was in there somewhere and I knew she would eventually come out. Until then I had to take control of the situation. The timing and the atmosphere couldn't have been more perfect. _

"_You don't have to be scared. We're in this together," I said, holding my hand out to her. She slid hers into mine and I pulled her underneath the covers with me. For a few minutes we just lay there holding onto each other, not wanting to rush anything, but not wanting to let the moment slip away either._

* * *

><p>"Wherever you're at right now, must be a happy place."<p>

I opened my eyes not even realizing I had closed them. Spencer was leaning up against the doorframe to her bedroom. I was sitting on her bed holding the picture of the two of us. I would have been a little embarrassed that I had been caught, but I was so distracted by how beautiful she looked. The light from the kitchen was behind her and she looked almost like an angel.

"I was just thinking of our camping trip." I stood up and put the frame back on her dresser. "I guess I got a little caught up in the memories."

"I do the same thing every time I look at that picture," she admitted as she stepped into the room and threw her shoes in the closet. When she turned around she looked at me with an all too familiar look. The look she gave me so many times when we were kids.

"I'm so happy that you're here, Ashley."

"So am I."

She bit down on her bottom lip and then chuckled before she looked down at her feet. "Ash…" she started to say. The teapot whistled from the kitchen, interrupting her. "Tea?"

"So, how long have you lived up here?" I asked as she handed me a cup of tea and sat down next to me on her couch. "Uh… Six months, I think."

"You plan on unpacking anytime soon?" The fact that she still hadn't unpacked made me think that she didn't plan on staying long. I hoped that wasn't the case.

"I've been so busy painting and setting up the gallery that I really haven't had the time. I sleep and eat up here, but that's about it."

"How many hours a day do you paint?"

"It varies. Some days maybe three hours, some days twelve." I watched as she took a sip from her tea and waited for her to continue. "I've been so inspired since I came home that spending all day painting became somewhat routine to me."

"Coming home inspired you?"

"In a lot of ways, yes. Don't get me wrong, New York, Paris and Florence were all great places to live in terms of finding inspiration, but I find different forms of inspiration here. Coming home brought back a lot of memories. Memories of family, friends and …love. And love is always the strongest form of inspiration. At least in my case it is." She set her cup down on the table in front of us and sat back into the couch. "Seeing you tonight, brought back memories and feelings that I had shoved so far down, but just one smile from you was all it took to bring them back. I could probably go downstairs right now and paint a masterpiece."

I blushed and looked away. "Hey," she said as she placed a hand on my arm. "I didn't mean to… you want some more tea?" She picked up my cup and walked into the kitchen. I didn't know what had just happened, but I needed to make sure she was okay.

"So tell me about Florence. I've always wanted to visit Italy." She was dipping a tea packet into her cup and she seemed so focused on it. Like she didn't want to look at me.

"I'd rather talk about you," she said. "That's one thing that hasn't changed; you still don't like to talk about yourself."

"We can talk about me tomorrow. Tonight I want to hear more about you."

"All I've done all day and night is talk about me."

She started pulling pins out of her hair and finally it fell over her shoulders. "I've wanted to do that all night," she said as she ran her hands through the blonde curls. All I could do was stand there and stare. She was so damn beautiful I could barely breathe just looking at her. My heart started to beat fast when she moved towards me. And I think it might have stopped for a moment when she reached up and touched my cheek with the back of her fingers.

"And… I've wanted to do this since the moment you walked into the studio." Both of her hands cradled my face as she leaned in. I met her half way and the moment my lips touched hers I felt everything all over again. There was no doubt in my mind that she still had my heart. It never belonged to anyone else but her.

_to be continued (hopefully a lot sooner than a month)..._

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><p>I haven't said this in a while, but... <em><strong>Reviews = Inspiration =Ambition = Me doing the happy dance = a faster update<strong>_


	7. Chapter 7

Eeep! My apologies once again. Busy, busy, busy and I am really sorry for the wait. This will most likely be my last multi-chapter fic indefinitely. I just do not have the time to commit to another story. I may still write a one-shot here and there if I get an good ideas. Feel free to send me any you might have and I will certainly do my best to make it happen. Once again, I do apologize. Bear with me, as there is still one more chapter after this. Thank you to those who have stuck with me. You're the best!

Thanks to Dev! (smiley, smiley, smiley)

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><p><span><strong><em>Chapter 7<em>**

You never forget your first love. You never forget the first person to make you feel the butterflies in your stomach, all those exciting and new feelings. You never forget the first time your heart beats so fast just from the closeness, or fills up with so much love for them that it may burst. You never forget the first time someone makes you weak at the knees or swoon from sweet, simple, romantic gestures. You never forget the first time you realize that you've done nothing but think of one person nearly every second of the day. You want to spend every waking moment with that person and, even when you do, it's not enough. You never forget the first person who awakens your soul and makes you feel alive and whole. You never forget the first person who makes you feel special and loved and more than willing to give your heart.

And, ten years later, as your mouth and hands are all over that person, all of those memories come back to you—including the memory of them leaving without a word and taking your broken heart with them in the process.

I abruptly pulled away from Spencer and held her back, my hands on her upper arms.

"Should I not have done that?" she asked. Her eyes were open wide and she rubbed a finger across her swollen lips.

"No, no, I just… Oh God, I don't know." I was still attracted to her. That was quite clear. And my heart may have still been hers, but the pain inside also belonged to her. It was her doing. The girl who had given me so much happiness had also taken it away from me. The girl who had given me those butterflies in my stomach also made me sick to my stomach. The days after she had left were the worst in my life and I still hadn't forgotten one minute of it.

"You don't know?" she asked. Her face held surprise and panic mixed together with a hint of disappointment and embarrassment. All that in one look was more than I could take, so I turned away and walked towards the couch. I sat down and ran my hands through my hair.

"It's so crazy, after all of this time, that I could still have these strong feelings for you," I said. She walked towards me and when I looked up at her, she stopped. "I wanted to kiss you, too, the moment I saw you. Hell, probably even before that, but more so after."

"What's going on in that head of yours?" She sat down next to me. Her hand found mine and as our fingers entwined I remembered the feeling of love and comfort holding her hand always gave me. For a moment that overrode the bad feelings.

"I don't think you really want to know what's going on in this head of mine."

"Actually, I do."

"I want to kiss you and never stop," I kissed the top of her hand, and she smiled, "but I also want to slap you and scream at you and beg for you to make me understand how you could just leave me." I saw her face change when I mentioned her leaving. I never intended to bring up the pain we both went through. I never intended to make her feel guilty. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought that up. It was a long time ago, I know. But it doesn't feel like that sometimes." My voice cracked.

It was pointless to act like I wasn't upset. I didn't feel like it was right to be upset with her for something that happened so long ago, something that happened when we were kids. We were grown women now. We had come so far. There we were, sitting so close to each other and all my body wanted was climb on top of her and reclaim her as mine. But my head was still back in the past and the answers I wanted from her were long overdue. I knew very well why she left. I just couldn't understand how.

"I know I hurt you, Ashley. I can't take any of that back and that kills me. And even though it happened ten years ago, I know it feels like yesterday. I left. I left you and if I could go back to that day and run to you instead of away from you, I would. But I can't." She stood up, dropping my hand in my lap and paced the room. "The moment I saw you, all of those years of heartache, all of those years that I hated myself for what I did to you, they all came back to me. I took one look at you and I knew for sure that I was the biggest idiot in the history of the world. I saw you and I froze."

"You're not talking about tonight, are you?"

"No, I saw you three months ago. I was in your book store."

"You were? When? Why didn't you say anything?"

She sat down on the coffee table in front of me. She ducked her head and played with a ring on her finger. From this angle I could see all of her. I could see the light freckles on the tops of her shoulders and a small scar on left eyebrow. Her hair was darker than I remembered it and where there used to be holes from the top to bottom of her ear, there was now only one.

"I should have said something. I'm sorry. But I could barely breathe, let alone talk." She finally looked up at me. "Kyla told me to come. She wanted me to see the little café-bookshop you two owned and she didn't think you would be there. I walked in and the door jingled and that made me smile, and then I saw you up at the counter and you were talking to a customer and you were so beautiful that I just stood there staring at you and I stopped breathing. I probably would have continued to stand there frozen if another customer hadn't bumped into me. I turned around and walked out and then ran to my car. And I may have cried for a while because I realized how much I missed you and I remembered how much I had hurt you and then convinced myself that you wouldn't have wanted to see me anyway."

"Are you done rambling now?" I asked, placing my hand on top of hers.

"Sorry."

"Spencer, I would have wanted to see you. You were a big part of my life. Tonight, when I walked into your studio and locked eyes with you, I knew there was still something between us. I want you to be a big part of my life again. That's why I'm here right now."

"I want that, too, Ashley. I know you might not believe me, considering what I did, but you were more than just a big part of my life. You were my whole life."

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><p><em>I was lying under the covers with Spencer. A naked Spencer. And I had never been so nervous in my life. Neither of us had made a move. We just faced each other, her hand resting on my lower back and mine on her hip. <em>

"_Are you nervous?__"__ I asked her. She didn__'__t answer me at first, but then she shook her head no before bringing my hand up to her lips and kissing it several times._

"_Are you?__"__ she asked in between kisses. _

"_I__'__m really nervous. Obviously I__'__ve done this before but__…__ it__'__s you. And I just want everything to be perfect.__"_

"_Ashley, just being here with you like this is perfect.__"_

"_You sure you want to do this? I don__'__t want you feel like you have to just because it__'__s what I want.__"_

_She moved my hand off of her and rolled on top of me. I spread my legs and she nestled in between them. I let out a gasp as our bare bodies touched for the first time. Her soft skin moved against mine when she slowly slid up and down before coming to a stop, leaning down and kissing me. _

"_I__'__m sure,__"__ she whispered in my ear before she disappeared under the sleeping bag. _

_It was the perfect night. The moon was full and bright. Leaves rustled from the light breeze. The crickets chirped and the abandoned campfire popped. But I no longer heard any of those the moment Spencer touched me. I couldn__'__t see or hear anything. I could only feel. And I felt her so intensely. It became very clear to me what the difference between sex and making love was. I could feel her love with every kiss and every touch of her soft and gentle fingers. I never knew passion until she looked into my eyes as she moved in and out of me. I had never felt so loved, so beautiful and so sexy. She made me feel all of those things as her mouth traveled over every inch of my body, memorizing every action that made me moan, whimper and quiver, and going back for more. _

_And, when it was my turn, I gave her back everything and then some. I had imagined being with Spencer so many times, but as she lay beneath me, out of breath and more beautiful than I had ever seen her, all of those images disappeared. She was there, not just in my head, and I couldn__'__t help but smile at her, right before I leaned in to kiss her. I was so lost in her: in her eyes; in her heavy breathing; in her begging for more. And when she stopped me to tell me she loved me, I knew that moment would forever be etched in my mind. I never imagined that making love to Spencer would be so perfect, like we had done it a thousand times before. Like our bodies, just like our souls, were meant for each other. Forever. _

"_What are you thinking about?__"__ I asked as I lay in her arms. She was too quiet. I didn__'__t know if I should be scared or worried. Maybe I was just overreacting. She could__'__ve just been tired. I was exhausted. She didn__'__t answer and I rolled over to face her. She kissed the top of my nose and smiled. __"__Must be good,__"__ I said._

"_Huh?__"_

"_I just asked what you were thinking about. You didn__'__t answer.__"_

"_Oh. Sorry.__"_

"_Well__…"_

"_Well, what?__"_

"_What were you thinking so deeply about?__"_

_She looked up towards the top of the tent and said, __"__A big, fat, juicy cheeseburger.__"_

"_Really? A cheeseburger?__"_

"_Yes. But not just any cheeseburger. A cheeseburger from Lenny__'__s.__"__ She was still looking up to the top of the tent like she was imagining it. __"__Let__'__s go get one,__"__ she said excitedly, finally looking at me._

"_It__'__s past two in the morning, Spencer. Not to mention we're hours away from home.__"_

"_Hmmm. I guess we__'__ll have to wait,__"__ she pouted._

"_If you__'__re hungry, I can go make you a sandwich.__"_

"_Nonsense. If I can__'__t have a delicious, big, fat, juicy cheeseburger from Lenny__'__s then I don__'__t want anything.__"_

"_Not anything?__"__ I asked, eyebrows raised._

_After another hour or so, when we had finally had enough of each other for the night, Spencer fell asleep. I was so content holding the girl I loved in a tent under the stars. I didn__'__t want to leave, but, at the same time, I wanted to go home and do everyday things with Spencer. Everything that I dreamed about doing with her before was now possible. Well, maybe not everything. As much as I wanted to do all of the normal things with her, I knew we couldn__'__t. Not until Glen knew. And I hadn__'__t the slightest clue how to go about telling him that I had fallen in love with his sister while I was still with him. He wasn__'__t in love with me anymore, but I knew it would still hurt him. I didn__'__t want to hurt Glen, but I would do just about anything to be with Spencer. _

_She stirred in my arms, turning and resting her head on my chest. I kissed the top of her head and wrapped my arms tighter around her. I stopped thinking about Glen and everyone else. Nothing was going to ruin the night we just had. Nothing could ruin that very moment, the moment when I realized that I would love Spencer Carlin for the rest of my life. And that was just fine with me._

_The morning sun shined through the roof of the tent and I rolled over to a smiling Spencer. It was most definitely something I could get used to. Neither one of us wanted to get up. I didn__'__t want to leave the warm and comforting home she had made for me in her arms. I didn__'__t want to leave the sleeping bags that she and I had made love in. Getting up meant that our time at the campgrounds was almost over. And I didn__'__t want to leave yet, but it was time to start packing up. We showered quickly (together) and raided what was left of breakfast. Cold pancakes. And the cold pancakes were much better than Kyla__'__s scrambled eggs. Everyone was already finished packing and getting ready to leave, but we were in no rush. We had the lot until 3:00 p.m. and we didn__'__t intend on leaving until exactly then. _

_After we put the last bag in the back of the Jeep, we headed down to the beach. We still had two hours until we had to leave. I brought a book and Spencer brought her notepad. Kyla just planned on sunbathing. It was the best weather we had the entire weekend and she wanted to enjoy as much of it as she could. I sat in the shade and read while Spencer sat across from me, drawing a picture of me. I loved watching her face as she drew. She was so focused and it was easy to see how passionate she was about it. I didn__'__t even get through a page of my book. I was too distracted by her. When she was finished, she handed me the notepad and got up to talk a quick walk. It was just a simple drawing, not simple in the way she drew it, but simple in that it didn__'__t have much detail. But it was incredible. I was still admiring her work when she walked up the sand towards me. I thought to myself, as the sun hit her hair and she smiled, that I would never forget her in that moment for the rest of my life. She stretched out her hand and in it was a cream-colored stone that had an almost heart shape to it._

"_What__'__s this?__"__ I asked, taking it from her as she sat down next to me._

"_You know what they say about penguins? That they look for the perfect pebble or stone to give the one they desire to be their mate. If the one they desire accepts the stone, then they are mates for life. And even if by chance they somehow get separated, they stay true to their mate and never give up searching for them.__"_

"_Are you saying that you want me to be your mate?__"_

"_I__'__m saying that I love you and, yes, I want you to be my mate__…__ for life.__"_

_I looked down at the stone and smiled, thinking about penguins and how cute and romantic they were. Just like the person sitting next to me._

"_Do you accept my stone?__"__ She draped her arm around me and leaned her head onto mine._

"_Of course, I accept it.__"__ I turned my head and kissed her on the nose._

"_When you two cheeseball lovebirds are done being all adorable and stuff, meet me at the car,__"__ Kyla interrupted. _

_I sighed and pouted my lips. I didn__'__t want to leave. _

_Spencer leaned in, whispering in my ear, __"__Don__'__t be sad, penguin. We have the rest of our lives.__"_

_We pulled away from the campgrounds and headed in the direction of home. I held Spencer__'__s hand in the front seat, feeling happier than I had ever been. But I knew what we were facing. I knew everyone wouldn__'__t be as happy for us as we were. I didn__'__t want to spend the rest of our time in high school hiding the fact that we were together. I didn__'__t care what people thought. I wanted everyone to know that I loved Spencer and she loved me. But I knew that complications were just around the corner. I just hoped that we could get past them. I was finally happy. I was finally with the one I wanted to be with, the one I was in love with, and I wasn__'__t ready to give her up. Not yet and not ever._

_Trying to keep my relationship with Spencer a secret was harder than I expected it to be. I was madly in love with her and it was difficult to not show her every time that I saw her. In the hallways at school, my hand would automatically reach for hers ; when we sat together at lunch, the foot in between us might as well have been an ocean. That__'__s what it felt like. What was worse than that was having my girlfriend sitting next to me and not being able to touch her or kiss her. It was fucking torture._

_Our time alone was so much more appreciated because it didn__'__t happen as often as we would have liked. Make-out sessions in the bathroom at school were not something that I thought I would ever enjoy, but when you haven__'__t kissed your girlfriend in over for hours, you learn to accept whatever you can get. And I never did like having sex in a car, but with Spencer everything was different. The passion always took over and I would forget where we were. Friday had become our favorite day of the week. I finally let her take me out for a cheeseburger at Lenny__'__s and it became a Friday tradition. Kyla was cheerleading for the football team and Linda had a bowling league so we had the house to ourselves for at least three hours. It was nice to not be rushed. We made love on those nights and we didn__'__t get out of bed until we absolutely had to, which usually left us scrambling to get dressed as Linda pulled into the drive. I couldn__'__t count how many times Spencer left wearing a piece of my clothing. _

_Things between us were perfect__—__well, except for my guilt. Glen and I were still friends and every day I lied to him. And it only got worse when he pulled me aside after school and told me he needed to talk to me._

"_So, I__'__ve missed you, Ash,__"__ he said, looking down at his feet. _

"_I__'__ve been right here.__"_

"_You know that__'__s not what I mean. I miss us. I miss seeing you outside of school. I miss holding your hand. I miss everything. I know I told you that I was okay with us being just friends, but the thing is,__"__ he grabbed my hand and held it in his, __"__I still love you. I__'__m in love with you. I didn__'__t realize it until after you left that weekend for camping. And I__'__ve wanted to tell you since you got back but I didn__'__t know how. I want you back. Please tell me I have a chance.__"_

_I let him down gently, and it was not easy. I still cared a great deal for Glen and I hated having to constantly lie to him, but I couldn__'__t tell him about Spencer. It would hurt him even more and it would make things even worse between him and Spencer. I didn__'__t tell Spencer what Glen had said for the exact same reason. _

_It was a Friday night and we were lying in bed when Spencer got a call from her brother. Their dad was in the hospital. He had been shot multiple times in the line of duty. It didn__'__t look good. We walked into the waiting room to find Glen sobbing. I wanted so badly to console him, but at the same time, the girl I loved was hurting. She nudged me towards him and he stood up to hug me. I looked over his shoulder at a red, puffy-eyed Spencer and it broke my heart. She was the one I wanted to be holding. I wanted to take her in my arms and make all of the pain and fear go away. I sat down next to her and pulled Glen down next to me and I held both of their hands. I felt like the most horrible person in the world. When Kyla and Linda showed up I felt a little relief. If I couldn__'__t fully be there for my girlfriend, at least Kyla and Linda could. _

_When the doctor came in and told us he didn__'__t make it. She reached for Kyla. Not me. Glen walked straight out of the room without a word. I didn__'__t go after him. I was not leaving my girlfriend even if it wasn__'__t me that she needed._

_Later that night as we sat at the kitchen table, none of us eating much of the food in front of us, there was a knock at the door. Glen had come to tell us what was going on. His uncle had taken care of all of the funeral arrangements and he wanted to make sure Spencer was okay with them. It had been the first time I had ever seen the brother and sister hug and it was a long hug that ended with an __'__I love you__'__. Spencer announced that she was going to go home and be with Glen, and I was more than okay with that. They needed each other. But I also had a feeling, a strong feeling, that things were about to change. Not in a bad way, but not in a good way for me. _

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><p>"So, are you going to tell me what happened in Florence?" I asked. And, very much like the first time I mentioned Florence, she didn't look at me.<p>

She sighed. "What makes you think something happened in Florence?"

"Because, even after all of this time, I know when you're trying to hide something. You won't look at me, because I also can tell when you're lying."

"Okay, fine. D'you want the long story or the short?"

"Whatever you are willing to tell me."

"The short story is, I met someone, we became close, I loved her, she asked me to marry her, I said no, and then I moved back here."

"That's shorter than I would have liked. Why did you say no?"

"Because in the very moment she said the words 'Will you marry me?', I saw you. I saw us at the beach when I gave you that stone and we promised to be each other's mates for life. I couldn't marry her and promise to love her for the rest of my life when I had already promised you that. And I couldn't marry her because she didn't have my heart: you do. And you'll always have it."

I was speechless. I just stared into those beautiful blue eyes and I kept hearing her words over and over. Neither of us could move on. Ten years without each other and it was like we had never completely parted. I never let her go, even when I had convinced myself I had, and she never let me go either.

"Ashley, can you say something?"

"I, I don't know what to say."

"I made a mistake all of those years ago. I know I hurt you when I left, but I also hurt myself. I went years without ever finding any happiness at all. And when I finally did, I threw it all away, because I could never stay happy. Not with her. Not with anyone but you. If I'm being honest, I feel like I've wasted the last ten years of my life. I lost out on ten years of happiness because I was afraid. And even though I know I made the right choice, part of me thinks that there could have been a better right choice, one which didn't involve sacrificing what we had. I made a mistake, Ashley. And I need you to tell me that you forgive me. I need to hear the words and I need to know that you'll let me make up for all the time we've lost."

There was an ache in her voice as she begged me for forgiveness. Her eyes were so sad and her lips trembled. I watched a tear fall from her eye and I thought back to all of the tears that had fallen from mine over the years just thinking about her. I knew that it was the same for her. I was tired of the tears. I wanted that happiness that she spoke of, the happiness that we both deserved. And I knew, just as she did, that she was the only one who could give it to me.

"Spencer, I forgave you a long time ago. I know you did what you thought was right. I knew the moment you left. I just wish you hadn't left the way you did, but we can't change the past. You can't go back to that day as much as we both want to. And I don't want to think about that day anymore. Or any of the days after. I just want to think about the days we have ahead of us."

She smiled while more tears ran down her face, and I wiped them away and kissed her. We sat there for a little while longer just holding each other.

"So what now?" she asked, her head still rested on my shoulder.

"Now, I guess we need to get to know each other again. We try to be friends and spend some time together. And then maybe we can find something close to what we had as kids."

"Or something even better?" She smiled a familiar smile. An almost cocky smile.

"Yes, something even better."

_to be continuted..._

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading. I will do my absolute best to get you the next chapter as soon as I possibly can. <strong>


	8. Chapter 8

**No, you are not seeing things. Yes, I am finally updating after a long 6 months. If any of you still have any interest to read this, I thank you. And I do apologize for making you wait so long. I've always intended to finish it, but never intended on it taking so long. There will be one more chapter after this one. And I can't promise it will be up within the next week, but I can promise it will be finished before the year ends. :) **

**Thank you to Irishjunkie1024, Maddy22 and Meech1354 for your private messages. I'm sorry I made you wait so long.**

**Thank you to Dev for being such a pile of wank (winky face)**

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><p><span><em><strong>Chapter 8<strong>_

It was 2 o'clock in the morning and she passed me another cup of tea. Neither one of us was ready to say goodnight even though we would be seeing each other the following afternoon for lunch. We had finally gotten past the awkward silence, but still hadn't made it past the long stares. I felt as if I could watch her for hours. And I had. She was so different, yet she was the same.

I had gone ten years without looking into those blue eyes and getting lost in her, ten years without seeing her face light up with a smile that could stop traffic. I had missed so many years, and I realized as I watched her talk that I had missed all of the small things as well: the small things that only someone who had spent hours of the day memorizing her face would notice; things that I never realized that I missed until I was reminded of them by the woman in front of me. The twenty-eight-year-old woman before me was just as mysterious as the girl I had fallen in love with as a teenager, and I wanted to get inside of her head and go back through those ten lost years. But first we had to talk about what happened on that Friday night all those years ago. First, I needed to know what had been going on in the head of the eighteen-year-old girl who had left me, all alone, without saying goodbye.

"When my dad died, I pulled away from you. I'm sorry for that. And I know I said this after it happened, but I didn't do it for the reasons you thought. I didn't do it to punish you for consoling Glen." She held the cup of tea to her lips. "I know he needed you." She took a sip, placing the cup on the table and finally looking over to me.

"You needed me, too," I said, placing a hand over hers.

"I did." She smiled, but there was something off about it, like she was trying to fake it for me. "And you were there for me as much as I would let you be. I'm so sorry, Ashley."

_The funeral was on a Friday morning. There was a light drizzle and the humidity in the air made it difficult to breathe. I saw Spencer briefly before she left with Glen for the funeral home. I offered to go with her, but she shook her head and said that she and her brother wanted to be alone with their father before everyone else arrived. She kissed me on the cheek and whispered an 'I love you' before she headed out the door. _

_When we arrived, we sat behind Glen and Spencer who were in the front row with their uncle and his wife. Glen had his arm around Spencer's back and it gave me comfort to see that they were taking care of each other. We left the church and followed in the procession to the cemetery. There were more cars than I had ever seen in a procession. A squad car with flashing lights led the hearse along with another trailing behind the last car__._

_A few hundred people were gathered near the gravesite and, as six police officers carried the American flag-covered coffin, I spotted Spencer right behind them. She and Glen were arm-in-arm and I couldn't help but notice how pale she looked. I wanted nothing more than to be by her side, holding her hand. And when the bagpipes played 'Amazing Grace', she lost it, and then I lost it because I couldn't be there for her the way she needed. I thought that not being able to kiss my girlfriend whenever I wanted was the worst. I was wrong: not being able to hold her when she was grieving was the worst. _

_Glen wrapped his arms around her and held her, and my heart broke in that moment. Immediate family waited around afterwards to watch the coffin as they lowered it into the ground. Everyone except for Spencer. She walked back to the car and, as I walked towards her, she nearly ran into my arms. I took her home and we lay in bed just holding each other. There was nothing I could say that would make her feel better or take away the pain, so I didn't say anything. I just laid her head on my chest and ran my fingers through her hair. Hours later, I woke all alone. A simple note on the pillow beside me read 'Thank you'._

_After everything went back to normal, as normal as it could be after losing a parent, I saw less and less of my girlfriend. Especially when her mother came home. We did not expect to see her again since she didn't even show up to her own husband's funeral, but there she was, tears in her eyes, holding her arms out for Spencer when she arrived home one night. The old Spencer would have told her to go to hell, but the Spencer who had just lost her father allowed herself to be comforted by the only parent she had left. It didn't last long, though. After a few weeks, she left__,__ leaving my girlfriend brokenhearted once again. And it all went downhill from there. _

_Spencer took me on a three-month emotional rollercoaster ride. One week, things would be great, and the next, I wasn't sure that we would make it. Up and down and upside down, with twist and turns and that drop that you're expecting but are never really prepared for: that would best describe our relationship for those three months. All the while, we were still hiding our relationship from Glen and everyone else. The secrets began to take a toll on us, Spencer especially. She loved me, but she hated lying to Glen. They had become the best of siblings and he was suddenly so protective of her. So protective of her that he actually approached Kyla and me one day and asked us to keep an eye on her because she was having a bad week. _

_It was obvious that Glen was finding ways to be around me. Because Kyla had a different lunch period and Spencer barely showed up for lunch, I started spending a lot of my lunch periods in the library. Glen would find me by myself in the back corner, pull out his lunch and eat with me. He always had an excuse: he had a headache; it was too warm outside; the guys were being annoying. Finally, he just stopped giving excuses and I would expect him there nearly every day. I began to feel the guilt to the point that I wanted to shout it out in the middle of the library, especially the days when he would go on and on about his sister. He was worried about her. He wasn't the only one. By late April, I could feel her slipping away from me. We went weeks without spending more than an hour together and she would find any reason she could to push me away. I would come to her, crying my eyes out, and she would take me in her arms and apologize over and over again. And then I would feel horrible because she was comforting me when she was the one who had lost her father and her mother. _

_I took her out to Lennie's figuring that I could cheer her up with a cheeseburger, but she just picked at it. And I spent the entire time talking while she just nodded and gave me fake smiles. On the way home, I couldn't stop the tears. And she didn't notice._

"_I'm scared, Spencer," I said quietly._

"_Of what?" she asked. She didn't look over at me; she kept her face forward as she pulled onto my street._

"_That I've lost you," I replied, not even attempting to hide the ache in my voice. She still didn't look at me and the lump in my throat grew bigger. I had lost her. Her silence was loud and clear. _

_After pulling into my driveway, she put the car in park and got out. I sat there for a moment, needing to collect myself. Fail. There was no point in wiping the tears away; they weren't going to stop, maybe ever. This was it, I told myself. She didn't want me anymore. I mustered up all the strength that I had left in me and got out of the car. She sat on the porch and, as I walked up, I saw her swipe a tear from her eye before pulling out a pack of cigarettes and lighting one up. I sat down next to her and that familiar scent filled my nose. It had been so long since she had smoked. At least, that's what I thought. I noticed the cigarette pack that sat on the step between her feet was more than half-empty. _

"_Will you please say something?" I begged her. _

_She took a long drag of her Newport before hanging her head. "I don't know what to say," she finally said._

"_For starters, you can tell me where you've been for the last couple of months. We barely spend any time together anymore." I knew it wouldn't be long before the tears came again and I wouldn't be able to stop them. I had so much pent up emotion and I had been waiting to have this conversation with her for weeks. Finally, I was going to get some answers._

"_I've been spending a lot of time at my studio. I'm sorry, but I just feel like being alone sometimes."_

"_I understand that, Spencer. I do. It's more than just sometimes, though. It's most of the time and I miss you. I've spent the last three Fridays alone at home, wondering where you are because you don't answer your phone."_

"_I'm sorry. You know that I turn my phone off when I'm painting. And I need time to myself, okay?"_

"_No. It's not okay. I'm your girlfriend and I want to be with you. We barely spend any time together and, when we do, you're not even there. If I wanted that kind of relationship, I would have stayed with your brother." I didn't want to bring him up, but it was true. Our relationship was too much like the one I had with Glen, except for the fact that I was madly in love with her._

"_Maybe you should have." She took another drag of her cigarette. The tone of her voice was so calm, which didn't surprise me because Spencer was always the calm one. But the girl sitting next to me wasn't Spencer. When her father died and her mother left, they each took a part of her and what was left over did not resemble the girl I fell in love with. I didn't know who she was anymore and that scared me._

"_You don't mean that." My voice cracked and the tears finally came back. Full force. She wouldn't look at me, completely focused on the burning cigarette she held between her shaking fingers._

"_How is Ashley doing? Is Ashley seeing anyone? Does Ashley ever talk about me? Do you think Ashley would like this shirt? Will you put a good word in for me to Ashley? Do you think Ashley still likes me? I still love Ashley. Do you think I could win her back? If I asked Ashley to prom, what do you think my chances are?" I had never heard her voice so empty of emotion. But her eyes were not empty at all. Her eyes were sad and tired as she looked finally looked over at me. "I'm so tired of being alone, Spencer. I miss Ashley." _

_I didn't know what to say. I knew that Glen still had feelings for me, but I had no idea how strong they were. I had no idea he talked about me to Spencer. _

"_He loves you, Ashley. And I want to tell him so badly that I love you too. But how? How am I supposed to take you away from him when he's just lost his father and mother? And if I tell him, he'll have lost me too because he won't want anything to do with me. How do I keep my brother, the only family I have left, and keep you too? I can't."_

"_So, what are you saying, Spencer? We can find a way to fix this. We have to. We love each other."_

"_It doesn't matter."_

"_Like hell it doesn't matter! It's all that matters."_

"_No, it's not. My family matters, too. And he's all I have."_

"_He's not all you have. You have me. You have Kyla and Linda."_

"_You don't get it, Ashley. He's my brother."_

"_I do get it. Kyla is the only family that I have left. Or did you forget that I lost both of my parents as well?"_

"_And if it were the other way around? If you had to hurt Kyla and risk her never speaking to you again? If you had to give up the only family you had left, would you?"_

_I stayed silent. I thought about it for a minute and still said nothing because I was afraid she was right._

"_I love you, Ashley. You know that. This isn't easy. I've made myself sick for months trying to figure out how to make it all work. There isn't a way. You're leaving for UNC, so our time is short anyway. It's best to just end this now. Maybe we can figure out how to be just friends again."_

"_No, no, no. Don't you dare fucking suggest we be friends!" I yelled. "And we were never… just friends." _

"_I don't know what else to say." She sat back down and hung her head once more. I heard a sob and this time it came from her. "I'm sorry, Ashley. I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to lose you but I don't have a choice." _

"_You do have a choice. We'll go talk to Glen tomorrow. We'll tell him that we fell in love and we're happy and we're sorry. He's a great person, Spencer. He'll forgive us. And he'll find a way to be happy for us. Please don't do this," I begged as I dropped down to my knees in front of her. My hands found hers and I kissed them both, leaving them wet with the tears that were streaming down my face._

"_I am moving to Indiana with him in July. He is going to stay on campus but we're going to get a small apartment by the high school I will be transferring to. It's a good school and I've already talked to the Art teacher and she seemed really excited to have me. We talked about School of Art Institute of Chicago. So I might go there after I graduate." She went on and on with that empty voice again as she looked to her side, avoiding my eyes. "Or maybe I'll just go to London. So many possibilities."_

"_Spencer? Look at me." I lifted my hands to her face and turned her head towards me. We looked into each other's eyes and I could see that she was just as upset as me. She was trying to stay strong. "You deserve to be happy. And I want to give you that happiness, always. If I thought that this was actually what you wanted, I would let you go."_

"_It is what I want," she interrupted._

"_Can you look me in the eyes and tell me that?" I gave her a moment and she continued to stare off to the side. "You can't just burst into my life, making me fall in love with you and then leave. And I won't let you. I know you're scared of losing Glen. I know you're trying to protect him. But he's not the only one who lost both of his parents, Spencer. And I won't leave you, too."_

"_You're not the one who has to leave. I am," she said, finally looking at me. Her hands found my face and her trembling fingers smeared away the tears. "I love you. Don't ever forget that." _

_The lump in my throat might as well have been choking me. I couldn't breathe. She leaned in and pressed her lips to mine__,__ momentarily bringing me back to life before she gently pushed me away and walked to her Jeep._

"_Spencer!" I yelled out, desperate to stop her. But she didn't stop. She didn't even look back. By the time I remembered how to move, I ran after her, but it was too late. I stood there sobbing in the middle of the street until I couldn't see her anymore. _

_I awoke the next morning in my bed, confused. I was still dressed and Kyla was lying next to me. It only took me a few more seconds to remember what had happened the night before. After Spencer left, I walked upstairs to my bed and cried and sobbed. Kyla crawled into bed with me and held me. I only remember saying Spencer's name to her. And she responded with, 'I know, hon, I know.' I must have cried myself to sleep. _

_I showered while Kyla sat on the bed waiting for me. She wanted to talk about it. I didn't. I just wanted to go back to bed and sleep… forever. Or at least until I was thirty. I would have to be over her by then, right? _

_My little sister didn't push it. She pulled the blanket over me and smoothed my hair back before telling me that she wasn't going anywhere. She stayed home most of the day, mostly in the bedroom, just reading or listening to her iPod. I was forced to get up around dinner time. As much as I didn't want to eat, Linda had cooked my favorite and I didn't want it to be for nothing. _

_The next day was harder because I couldn't sleep, which was not surprising since I had slept for thirty hours, only waking up a few times. I tried to keep myself busy by cleaning our room inside and out. Then I made my way to the bathrooms and cleaned those, and then the kitchen and so on until there was nothing left to clean. Kyla was still lingering around, waiting for me to need her. And I did need her, but I didn't want her in the middle of what happened. Spencer had probably already told her what she did, so there was no point in discussing it. It would only make me cry and I was tired of crying._

_Spencer didn't show up to school on Monday, or Tuesday, or Wednesday, and I thought that it would be easier with her not being there, but it wasn't. I was worried about her. She had left me. She had broken up with me and broken my heart, but I still loved her and I knew she still loved me. Kyla assured me that she was okay, just trying to give me space, trying to give me some more time. I didn't need time. I needed her. I needed her to realize that she was being stupid. She couldn't live without me as much as I couldn't live without her. But, somehow and at some point, we started to manage. I didn't see her when we were at school much. She avoided me. She would be in every class we had together before I would get there, buried in a book or her headphones. At lunch, I would sit in the library all alone and, once I stopped hoping that she would just show up in there one day, it got easier. It wasn't as hard seeing her as I thought it would. It was harder when I got home from school or lay in bed at night. When I was alone with my thoughts, that's when it would all hit me again. And I would take a shower at three in the morning so no-one would hear me crying. Kyla knew what I was doing, but she never said anything. Her and Spencer's relationship was suffering. We never talked about it, but it was obvious. She was spending more time with her cheerleading friends, the girls she said she couldn't stand. _

_The next few months went on about the same. Spencer managed to avoid me to the point where I never saw her at school. She stopped coming to first period, and I found out from Kyla that she was excused because she spent the first hour of every day with the school counselor. I was so worried about her, but I was glad that she had someone to talk to. I did a good job avoiding people as well. Some people, I just couldn't get away from, though._

"_Ashley!" I heard him yelling my name from the other end of the hallway, but I just kept walking. "Ash!" He was right behind me and I had no choice but to turn around._

"_Hey, Glen," I said, annoyed._

"_What's up with you? Why have you been avoiding me?" He threw his backpack over his shoulder and shoved his hands in his pockets._

"_I'm sorry. I've just had things on my mind," I said, suddenly finding the fading green paint on the lockers interesting. I wanted to tell him the truth. I wanted to tell him that the only things on my mind were his sister and how she broke my fucking heart because of him._

"_Yeah, me too. Look, Ash, if there's one thing I have learned over the past few months, it's that life is short. And I don't want pass up any chances and regret things down the road. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I know you and I aren't as close as we once were, but I still want you in my life." I still found it hard to look at him and, when I finally did, he gave me a have smile and reached his hand out to me. "What do you say? Go to prom with me?" I looked straight into his eyes, my own eyes blank. "As friends?" he added._

"_I can't be friends with you, Glen. I'm sorry." _

_I turned around and walked away. I didn't look back to see his reaction. I couldn't. I blamed him for the pain I was feeling. I blamed him for everything. And it took everything in me to not turn around and tell him everything. Instead, I went straight home and straight to my bed and I cried myself to sleep. _

_I woke up later that night to Kyla's hand running through my hair. _

"_She misses you, too. It's killing her as much as it is you," she said as I slowly opened my sore eyes. I wanted to smile at the thought of her missing me—I think I even did in my head a little—but the thought of her hurting as much as I was was almost too much to bear. I turned around to hide the tears that started to fall, amazed that there were any left. I don't know why, but I didn't want Kyla to see them. I didn't want her to tell Spencer. I didn't want Spencer to know how much I was hurting because I didn't want her to hurt more. As messed up as it sounded, as much as it was her doing that we were both hurting, the last thing I wanted was for her to feel more pain. _

_The last few weeks of school were hard, but they flew by. I hadn't spoken to Glen since I told him I couldn't be his friend and he made no effort to see me either. It was amazing how things can change so drastically in such a short amount of time. At the beginning of the school year, I had been happy, or so I thought, with Glen and I never expected the end of the school year we would not even be friends anymore. I broke it off with one Carlin for the other and now I had neither. _

_Graduation came and went and in two weeks I was to be leaving for North Carolina. In two weeks, I would be leaving the only home that had ever really felt like home. Two weeks, and my life would be starting over. _

_I sat down on my bed and looked around the nearly bare room. I would miss this room. I would miss Kyla and Linda. And I would miss Spencer. I missed Spencer so much it hurt to even wake up in the morning. Every day was just another day I wouldn't get to see her, hold her hand, kiss her lips, or even look into her beautiful blue eyes. And I'd look in the mirror at the girl with the red puffy eyes from crying myself to sleep obce again, and I'd glare at my reflection. I hated myself for not fighting harder for her. And now it was too late. I was leaving in two weeks. Even if by some miracle she decided to spend the next two weeks with me, it wouldn't be enough. I would be happy with even two minutes, but that wasn't going to happen either. _

_It was around 8:30 p.m. and I had just made myself a bath__.__ It was 8:30 p.m. on a Friday night and this was what my life had become. But I wasn't interested in going out. I wasn't interested in staying in the house every night and sulking, but that was what I had been doing for months. I was just about to step in when Kyla barged in._

"_Don't you dare get into that bath tub," she said as she yanked my arm._

"_What are you doing?"_

"_Get dressed!" She pulled me out of the bathroom and shoved me towards the closet._

"_And why am I getting dressed?" I asked._

"_Just do it. Time is running out."_

"_You're freaking me out. What the hell is going on?"_

"_Spencer." _

"_What about Spencer?" It had been months since her name rolled off my tongue and it felt strange._

"_She's leaving tomorrow."_

_Those three words hit me hard. She's__.__ Leaving. Tomorrow. _

_My heart stopped. My stomach dropped. No matter what had happened over the past few months, I was still so madly in love with her. And, true, I hadn't seen her in her months, but that was partially my choice. I couldn't let her leave. I couldn't let her leave without telling her that I would miss her, that I still loved her and that I would wait as long as I had to for her. _

_Kyla drove me to her house. From the look of things, they were having a party. A going away party, perhaps. I snuck in the back door while Kyla went to distract Glen. But after searching everywhere, she was nowhere to be found. I met Kyla back at the car, there was only one other place she would be. We saw her Jeep the second we pulled into the parking lot. It was the only car there. I let out a sigh of relief as Kyla put the car in park._

"_Good luck!" she said to me with a smile._

"_You're not coming in?"_

"_No. Go ahead. I said my goodbyes."_

_I stood in front of the elevator that would take me to Spencer's studio, wondering what I was going to say when I saw her. I knew I couldn't stop her from leaving. She had made her choice. And when Spencer Carlin made her choice, she wasn't changing her mind. I eyed the door to the stairwell and decide to take them instead, needing to prolong possibly the last encounter I would have with the girl I loved. And each step I took was one step closer to telling her that I loved her, to telling her I was going to miss her and saying goodbye. I took a moment to collect myself as I stood in front of her door. I counted to ten, wiped my eyes and took a deep breath. My hand reached up to knock, but missed as the door slid open. I was as surprised as she was. She was standing in the doorway wearing blue jeans and a white t-shirt covered in paint, her hair up in a bun, showing an array of colors splattered on her neck. The shock in her eyes disappeared and was replaced with a look I had seen so many times. She was happy to see me. _

_I closed my eyes when her hands slid onto my cheeks. A tear escaped and was smoothed away by her thumb. And my eyes stayed closed when I felt her lips press against mine in a soft, sweet, kiss that I had missed so very much. _

"_I've been waiting for you," she whispered, before pulling me into her studio. _

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><p><em>Thanks for reading :)<em>

_Chapter 9, the final chapter will be up as soon as I possibly can get it to you. _

_If you enjoy poetry, follow me on Instagram: Sparkles_04_


	9. Chapter 9

_Well... I think an apology is wayyyy overdue... I am so very sorry for dropping of the face of the earth and leaving this story hanging. I had every intention of finishing it, and I still do. Sometimes inspiration is hard to come by and after writing Spashley for several years, I just got a little burnt out. FORGIVE ME! Please :) Because it has been so long, I am sure a lot of you will have to go back through and reread the first 8 chapters. So I am giving you just a little teaser. Please, please, please, review and let me know your thoughts. I always take your thoughts and opinions into consideration when writing Spashley. And although I do already have the last chapter/s planned out, it's not set in stone. So anyway, once again, I apologize. And thank you to those of you who have still be inquiring about an ending and caring enough to reach out to me._

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><p><em><strong>The Last Night-<strong> _

_Ashley:_

_All it takes is one simple touch sometimes. Fingertips on your cheek, a hand on your hip, a light kiss on your knuckles. That's all it takes for an explosion of feelings to come at you from every direction, in every part of your body. Happiness, excitement, love, lust, longing and passion. Feelings that had been absent for far too long, but resurface in a matter of seconds. Feelings so strong they override any thoughts and/or warnings from your brain. I felt all of those feelings the moment I laid eyes on her. And the moment she shut the door and pushed me up against it, it was as if my brain had left the building. All I felt, all I knew, all I cared about was what my body was feeling. Her lips on mine caused my skin to tingle and my insides to burn. I was set ablaze by the passion in her eyes and her hands and her mouth. Desire seeped out of me as her tongue touched my neck and her teeth nibbled and scraped along the length of it. "I missed you so much," she whispered in my ear; a mixture of sadness and desperation in her voice with a hint of I want you so fucking bad. I took the hint and I spun us around so she was up against the door. My hands held hers above her as I kissed her back hard. It reminded me of that night Kyla had the party and she pulled me into the bathroom. Except this time I wasn't scared of the way her body felt so perfect against mine. I wasn't scared of how fast my heart was beating, or the with the thought that one touch from her would have me come undone. No, not tonight. Tonight I was already there. We left the wall and fell into a couch, but not before hurridly undressing. Our bodies tangled together right away, our lips reconnected and hers never left me as she moved her way down my body. _

_Moonlight spilled through the large open windows of the art studio, the only light we had, but we didn't need it. Spencer knew my body so well. She knew every curve and crevice. She knew all the places to touch me, and I let her. It wasn't the first time her mouth had touched my skin, but every kiss, and every stroke of her tongue felt better than anything I had remembered. So soft and warm, I was coming apart faster than she was moving inside of me. And once it was my turn to return the pleasure, I looked deep into her eyes and everything I wanted to say, I said without saying a word. Starting off slow, I kissed her gently. First her lips, then her eyelids, her cheek and her neck, but my need to have her overrode my need to rediscover her and I let my hands and hunger take over. I had forgotten how good she felt. I had forgotten the way she whimpered when I'd kiss the inside of her thigh. I had forgotten how she would hold my hair up so she could see my face as it moved between her legs. And how her eyes would melt into mine as I looked up at her as my tongue slid through her wetness. Her moans filled the air, her body convulsed underneath me and I knew that she was mine. For one last night, she was mine._

**_A few years later- Spencer:_**

_Sometimes I find myself drifting off into memories of us. And the memories are like a __fucking abyss; never ending, pulling me into the deep and dark quiet nights when the loneliness_ _creeps into my heart. Nights like tonight. I close my eyes thinking you'll disappear, but __you're there too. And the image of you in my head is so much more vivid. You're sitting __on my bed, reading, while I lie beside you, happy just being so close. I move a fallen strand __of your hair behind your ear, but you don't notice. Off in your own world and lost in the __words. You're wearing your reading glasses, the ones you know I find so sexy, with your __bottom lip between your teeth. And I just smile, finding your love for books so adorable. __I almost wonder if you love the more than me. But then you close the book and look over __at me with those gorgeous brown eyes, so adoring, and in an instant you have answered the __question for me. You smile and my heart jumps in my chest and I fall in love all over again. __In that moment, I am the happiest I've ever been. I know that I belong somewhere; to __someone, and that was all I ever wanted. Lately, it's that image that plays on repeat on the i__nsides of my eyelids. It's the last happy memory I have of us besides our last night together. I can't count that night, even if you were in my arms, because in my head I knew it would be the last time. I left the next morning and I've been dying a little bit every day since with your image always haunting me like the ghost of my past. And I know that it will not stop. It's the universes way of telling me that I fucked up. I should have never left you. I know this for a fact, for every morning I wake up to your smile and every night I go to sleep with a warm feeling on my cheek, good night kisses from another time. _

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><p><em>I know it's short, but there is more to come! Inspire me!<em>


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